Think first..give your S the benefit of doubt

[cat03]

it's been a while since I've been here, things are alright, hit a major road bump the other day. I'll spare you the gory details, but all in all I became unglued again because H isnt' as loving as *I* want him to be. That's what I get from being away from here too long LoL, I forget the nuggets I learned "encourage the baby steps" "do not get hung up on your S to be happy, do not put all that weight on his/her shoulders" "do not bring old stuff back (OP related)" -I thought about doing it but I didnt fail in this last part.

Mean things were said, we had our first shouting session since... he came back. But I'll give him credit, in the end he did reach out to me. He did tell me, yet again, that he still sees sex as a potential weapon I might use as I did in the past (withholding when angry) and that he doesnt' want to loose control again, he says it is mostly about control and not because he doesnt' find me attractive or anything.
Of course it doesnt' help that his new job is really demanding, he has to get up at the wee hrs and by the end of the week he is totally beat up and tired, so has no energy left.
He believes his drive isnt' as it used to be, he thinks it might be the lack of sleep and him getting older (his performance is great and he is only 30 ! ) but I'm thinking, this is how he feels, and the mind rules the body, thus he is just not into it as much as me.

He tells me each time I bring this lack of affection issue he feels even more ackward and doesn't help him any into doing what I'm asking, that the way I'm asking creates an adverse result (him not being affectionate) I've asked him nicely, patiently, but he says he just feels forced and that I must be asking it in the wrong way or something.

We finally agreed on seeing the C again, well, him, he says he prob should talk to someone about the thoughts he has in the back of his mind. Because of the mini blow up I had (the beginning of this post) he says he now is a bit on edge, wondering when I'm going to go "off " on him again . SIGH, back a few miles, again...

I did over react, I tried to acknowledge all the great progress we've had, but in the end the damage was done, and this kind of episodes back up his mistrust theories about me. I told him that because we both feel ackward that we should take a break from each other physically for 2 weeks, so that he doesn't feel pressured with me until we both cool off. He wasn't totally against nor pro the idea, but agreed.

Maybe I did wrong, but again, I didnt' want to feel like I had the clock ticking on him, I didnt' want to put my hopes up and him still feeling bad about our meltdown.

Boy, I felt so hopeless for a while, I need to dust off my DB cheat sheet... thanks for listening.