You certainly were up late. Weekend is going great so far. My daughter took the whole family out to eat last night. She has to fly back to Denver today so it is just a short visit, but still very nice. My son had the surgery on his hand and will have a hard cast put on it on Tues. Then they want him back to work on Weds. to supervise because his boss said they miss him too much to have him be off for 6 more weeks. Must really be nice to be appreciated that much.
Here's a kicker!!!After I got home last night there was a msge on the machine for me to call H. So I didn't. Thought I might call him today and say I got home too late to call last night. Just to keep him wondering. What could he want that he needs to call on a Fri night. This reminds of all the times he answered the phone when he was here, and he knew it sure wasn't for him.
Keep packing, because I am sure once it is done and you get settled and over the big letdown you are sure to have, it will be a great thing for you and S.
Change is alway hard and who knows that better than those of us on this bb.
Sue, I'm glad you've had such a good time with D and family.
Funny how H called...who ever knows what their behavior means. Some day, maybe they'll change enough that we'll feel like we can ask them. Or maybe not!
Thanks for posting.
Journaling:
I slept poorly and am very tired. Today is a pack, pay bills, and pack some more kind of day. But Sue is right, the more I get done the more "in control" I feel, so that is a very good reason to keep at it. I didn't walk yesterday, so I'm going to take an extra long walk today, I know the exercise is crucial to making it through.
Speaking of walks...when I was walking on the beach Thursday I saw an enormous flock of pelicans take off and swoop over the water...Normally I only see one or two pelicans at a time...it was gorgeous, they are so big they make quite an impression.
I remember vaguely packing H's things last year. I can remember being relieved I was not packing myself.
Maybe he's trying to be "helpful", he sees what you are going through and he's trying to find a way to "help", to be kind?
I told Lissett that all this "help" that TMWDM was giving regarding my closing, etc., made me feel like he couldn't get it done fast enough, couldn't get rid of me fast enough.
She suggested instead that he was trying to do whatever he could to no longer be viewed as an a$$hole by me.
Maybe he's trying to be "helpful", he sees what you are going through and he's trying to find a way to "help", to be kind?
I told Lissett that all this "help" that TMWDM was giving regarding my closing, etc., made me feel like he couldn't get it done fast enough, couldn't get rid of me fast enough.
She suggested instead that he was trying to do whatever he could to no longer be viewed as an a$$hole by me.
Yup, you captured my confusion about how to interpret this, as well. I think, though, that Lissie is right on, and that is a good thing. That somewhere underneath the present alien, there is a kind person who doesn't want to be perceived as a jerk. But I have to admit, my initial response was more like yours: "Oh yeah, now that you can feel the D papers in your fingers, now you're being 'friendly' to me. Bleh."
Sigh. Growing up is not always what it is cracked up to be.
I feel the same way. H is now being friendly, and I think it's because he's going to marry his gf. Is he? Who knows. But the nicer he is, the more suspicious I am!
I think the hardest part of their "niceness," when you are so close to D that there is really no hope of reconciliation, is that it can remind you of what they were like, or what they CAN be like. Gosh, that is so hard, when you just want to think he's a jerk to get through it.
Love, N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I feel the same way. H is now being friendly, and I think it's because he's going to marry his gf. Is he? Who knows. But the nicer he is, the more suspicious I am!
LOL. I know exactly what you mean here...we have just got to get over this. Practice assuming the best, it is probably better for our blood pressure anyway.
Thanks for posting, it is also good in a weird way to realize how much everyone is sharing the same experience.
I hope all the moms and grandmas have a wonderful day today.
I'm up and almost dressed. H is bringing S over between 10 and 1:30. I think S and I are going to see a movie, and maybe go bum around this quaint little downtown in a nearby city, have some lunch, and just wander. It is supposed to be really hot today, so we won't wander too fast!
Every room in my house is partially packed, and has cardboard boxes stacked in it. In a way, I hope the sight of it catches H's attention when he is here to drop off S. And I'm sure it will on some level, but that doesn't mean he'll have even the tiniest 2nd thought about it. Sigh. I'm not going to let it spoil my M day and I'm not going to confront him about anything today.
Okay. Gotta get moving. Hugs and happy mother's day to you all.
Tomorrow is the two-year anniversary of the bomb. I'm wondering when that date will lose significance for me. I know in my heart that it will, eventually.
I didn't sleep at all night before last, so yesterday was a very unproductive day.
Today is better. I've walked and had breakfast. Have a lunch scheduled with a co=author that I'm not really prepared for, but will get a little done before it is time to meet her.
Tonight I get S14 back from H. I have some packing for him to do in his room, he's been amazingly agreeable for a teenager, and it helps me to have him do at least some of the work in his room.
The kitchen is completely moved over to the new house...most of it is unpacked over there, but I need some of the furniture over there (buffets, etc.) to fully unpack.
Every room still has boxes and some work to be done, however, I'd say I'm more than 2/3 finished with the packing and the sorting.
I have a terribly over-full week--bad planning. Former student and current coauthor is flying in Thursday to work two days on manuscript revisions with me. That would be fine if S14 didn't have several graduation events this weekend. I just didn't know his graduation schedule at the time I made the other plans--his school isn't always really quick about those things. So I am trying to maintain a peaceful attitude, and delegate what I can, and not resent too much all the details that need to be attended to. Can't help but thinking if this was a two parent household (subtext "the way it is supposed to be"!) that things would be a lot easier this week.
The movers come on next Wednesday. I know that I will be "ready enough" for them.
I can tell that I've erected a partial emotional wall around myself--the tears break through it still occasionally, but I can feel it that I have myself pretty heavily defended right now. I'm sure it is necessary to just barrel through this.
I need to call H to ask him one thing about the G-D guinea pigs and one thing about the D. If he answers as I expect, the D will probably be done and signed by month's end.
I started sorting and separting about 20 years worth of photos night before last. Of course it is sad, and it is also just plain tiring. To be honest, if I just took them with me I doubt that H would say a word or even notice.
Okay. I just wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere. Have to get back to my to do list.
