Are you thinking what I'm thinking? .... no, you go first -- no, you" thing going on. I see not wanting to ask a potentially wrong question or make a wrong assumption here. BTDT
Do I let her know that I know about the EA, and insist that it end? Two answers:
1. Yes. You are marking your territory.
2. No, she will go underground more if she knows how you found out. Could you wait another week to see what she does? What she txts to the OP?
Looking back at other forum posters with souses e-mailing/txting OP, stopping it early works sometimes. Other times the spouse goes underground and becomes better at hiding their involvement with the OP. If you wait a week or how ever long, you will get a better picture of what is actually happening in the EA. By waiting a week she could do something that isn’t healthy for the M. You decide what is best for you
Choc, great job for busting through the anxiety and doing the things you have so far.
I see some overall concepts in your e-mails to your W that put her too much in the driver’s seat. I see what I will condense as “what do you want dear” in some of your statements to her. I see other places where you state what you want, WTG.
If things and people are as good as I am reading and have read, your M is worth fighting for.
BB and I had the kids as glue to help keep us together. When they left we were on inertia for a while. My point is you have to reinvent the M to keep going. That re-inventing may include some tear-down activities to weed out the dead wood. Later you can add new materials and rebuild or modify your M if that is what you both want, which sounds like you do.
It is so good to see you doing the things you posted here. WTG.
