Hello all. Feelong lost and hopeless. Hoping you guys can guide me in the right direction. My story follows:
My wife and I have been married 9 years but together almost 12. We've had our ups and downs but generally had a good affectionate marriage. I love you's were always present at the end of conversations and just out of the blue. We had our pet names and were intimate a couple of times a week. Her anniversary cards always read something along the lines of "I look forward to growing old with you" and "I will love you always". Now my wife seems to have disappeared and when you I ask about our marriage, it was a mess. To hear her tell it, I was a sex obsessed man who was too rough on the kids and never had time for anything or anyone. About a year ago, she began working with a younger crowd and hanging out more with them. She also began a friendship with a female friend who was going through an ugly divorce as the result of her affair. This friend began relying on my wife as a shoulder to cry on. At the same time, another friend of hers began calling her because she was having marital problems. In June, my stepson (the result of a rape in her late teens) graduated high school. During this time, we began having arguments (about once a month) about her spending so much time with her new friends and she began buying a lot of new clothing because one of her "friends" told her she dressed like an old lady. In November she dropped the "I love you but am not in love with you bomb." I began with the begging, pleading, etc. and began doing much research on how to fix my situation online. I began poking and everything I got was how for many years she had been unhappy and had cried because I was too busy with work and then school. According to her, the only reason she had stayed was because of the kids. During another conversation, she began talking about how she had always had to fend for someone else but she had never had time for herself. She said she was tired of always being relied upon and that she needed space and time to try and figure things out. I quit with the pleading but would still let her know that I loved her by making her lunch in the morning and making sure that I spent as little time as possible at work. We still made love once a week and she said she still felt love when we did it. Valentine's day came and I put roses on the bed and bought a plaque about the wonders of love for our bedroom. She bought everyone at work something special and bought me a card which read "Honey, love is patient and so are you. Love you." It hurt me that she put more thought into her friends gifts then mine. She spoke of moving out but gave up on that when we realized that we would have to sell the house. Her response was that the house was built for the kids (she's said that I could keep the kids). I've mentioned counseling 3 times and she is not interested in it. After one of our discussions, she left crying and later told me that she had gone to the park where she grew up so she could sit on the swings and think. She then began crying and said she missed her dad at which point I hugged her and consoled her (she comes from a broken home and hasn't seen her dad since she was 10). I've tried to back off but continue to do loving things for her (warm her side of the bed, pack her lunch, do dishes, clean house, etc.) but I miss the affectionate wife I used to have. The talks of moving away have ceased but she is so different then the woman I knew. The woman who used to love my kissing and touching her appears to now be repulsed. When we made love last, she said that she only makes love to me because "the sex is amazing" but that she doesn't want to give me any false hopes of her trying to work on the marriage. I'm just feeling so helpless and hopeless. She's planning on having us take a family cruise but is not interested in anything romantic. Her "I love you's" are now given out to all her friends and the kids friends. She'll still give me a peck on the lips and quickly says "love you" as she runs out the door in the morning. She complains about everyone and everything both at work and here at home and has begun to aspire to make management at work. Told me lat week that she wasn't ready to work on us and didn't think she ever would be. After one conversation with my son, she told him she didn't want to work on our marriage. He came to me and told me that unless I was a glutton for punishment, I should probably just get an attorney. Like I said, just feeling lost and hurt. I know my situation could be worse but I guess the pain is so great for me because of how high I seemed to have fallen from. Can anyone tell me what I'm dealing with here? WAW or MLC?
