OK so you got me...it's a bit of low self esteem but I know I'm lovable. Yes, I am afraid...but the fear is not so much of me being wrong as it is me doing the wrong thing. What if my kids and I are better of right where we are than with h not living here. It almost seems like because h and I are married he is excused from certain things but if we were apart he'd have to be dad on his own and would step up more...but then again maybe he wouldn't and that'd cause a whole new mess and if I were the one to initiate things the kids would blame me. The season has already started with me putting the kids to bed only to have them ask "where's daddy" and then them trying to go outside to see him after I've already gotten them cleaned up and put to bed at 8:30PM so they can say goodnight to him. I don't really understand how before and after our seperation he can't seem to get home until late but during seperation he was able to be here by 5PM 6PM the latest on the nights he was to visit the kids. Things like that make me think we'd be better off without him living here. I even had dd ask if he was dead because he hadn't gotten home from work when it was getting to be her bedtime.
I understand there are reasons people stay together and fight for their marraiges but what if the fighting/staying just isn't worth the reward at the end. Are we all being martyrs trying to earn our way in through the pearly gates?
Either path I choose I'm dammed...file and I'm the bad woman that didn't do all she could to keep her family together for her own selfish reasons...stay and I'm a weak woman who tolerates a sub par marraige.
So, I didn't start this thread to talk about me...I really want to hear from everyone here WHY DO YOU DO IT?
