EXACTLY! Noone else can figure it out either. It's just the way it is. *If* you're interested, all the gory details, (including the flirtatious emails between him and Pam,) are posted on my Newcomers thread.
This is the 2nd counselor we have seen. My friends are always like, "surely a therapist will be able to talk some sense into him that this is just not legitimate anymore. It is unfair to you and he's got major issues." He seems to be genuinely hurting, but somehow in his head he uses it to justify his behavior.
The counselor always says, "This is obviously VERY painful for you Joey, and even though it was a long time ago, is still a VERY fresh wound. I am not going to suggest you just "get over it" and I don't think either one of you are, either." We both agree. He can't just GET OVER IT or he would have. What I have noticed is that when things are good, it is NOT an issue. When things remind him, (like our friend Missy being in a relationship with Joe, the friend of the guy I dated back then), he starts it up again, and with a FURY if he feels the relationship is not all he wants. So he has been going on and on in the sessions about how this last year has been so awful and he tried to tell me and finally broke and made a mistake imagining a relationship free of the baggage with someone else. This is his fantasy, a relationship with someone who never hurt him. He has made it CLEAR that if he could go back in time, he would tell his old stuff to drop me like a hot potato and not look back. Sigh . . .
