I am too tired to even go into it all (posted some of the details on my Newcomers thread last night.)
He had some work to do, but came home just before midnight. (We had paid the babysitter at about 7:30.)
Basically, the past (1992) got dredged up and it resurfaced all of his hatred. When that happens, he starts acting very hateful and I about can't take it. I thought counseling was a good place to share my "I've been trying to meet your needs for more sexual interaction and your need for less fighting. I would like for you to not just take what I'm giving, but give some in return, step out of YOUR comfort zone and start giving me some romance, emotional intimacy, the stuff that's always been difficult for you." He only twisted it in the most horrible way. (After the session on the drive home, he got REALLY hateful, saying:) How come I didn't expect that from the two guys I dated in 1992? I just gave them the "cherries" and didn't expect any "criteria" from them? Why is it so HARD for me to give him sex, something I have to "work at then resent" when I gave it so effortlessly to those guys? On and on...
He talked about going out and having sex with someone to make me feel the way he does. I quietly just said, "Do what you have to do! GO have sex with someone. See how much easier that makes things." I know that I wasn't responding in the right way, I just told him I'm tired of him taking what I have to offer and then beating me down when I ask for something in return. He says if this is what he has to go through to fix things, he's going to quit, because it's not worth it.
The counselor suggested individual sessions for next week so that we can both get our feelings out and feel heard, without fear of being interrupted. She asked if there was something I could think of to request from him to make the Pam situation better for me. I said, no I feel enough time has gone by and we have addressed it some that I truly am happy with tackling his issues from 1992 and if he were able to make some progress there, that would help me more than ANYTHING.
Please . . . advice? I feel like we are almost back to square one again. Will this ever end.
