Dang! Yah beat me to the punch Choc. I just about had that EXACT convo with my W last night, but I pulled up short and watched the Illusionist with her instead ... shrug.
Mind if I sit on your sideline a cheer for a bit before I jump into my own game?
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I've come out of seclusion to cheer you on, my friend. Now that you've pushed the first boulder down the hill, don't just sit there and watch the avalanche. Grab your board and ride it down. Participate. Engage.
Poster: Heywyre Subject: Re: Well, the Chit's About to Hit the Fan, Folks...
We're pulling for ya Choc and maybe, just maybe, she won't say those things to you
Hang in there
Heywyre,
Looks like Mrs. Choc. and I had the same fears. Here is her reply (so far):
Paul,
I understand the "impersonal email," as this is the only way we communicate lately. I have wanted to talk too but just could never find the words.
I know you aren't happy, and you know I'm not either. I don't know how we let this happen, but we did, and I too take responsibility for this. No, I'm not looking for "someone else". I guess it might be "something else" to fill the empty void I seem to have in my life these days.
Unfortunately, I think we let this go too long this time, and it has caused damage that I don't know can be repaired. I haven't said anything because I don't want to upset the kids, and you know they are my world and that is the last thing I want to do. I also didn't want to upset you. But, I guess you could see it on my face. I'm sorry that I didn't come to you sooner to try to talk things out, but I guess I was scared to open a can of worms. Honestly I didn't think I was prepared for whatever consequences there might be for telling each other how we truly felt.
Sometimes I feel like maybe we need some space to sort out our feelings and see what direction we want this to go in. Maybe it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, I don't know. I just know that we can't go on like this much longer.
I have to take (S14) to school. I'll finish this when I a get back.
NOTE: As I've stated before, I have a leylogger on our home computer. It's always interesting when she sends me an e-mail, because I can see how she may have edited it before sending. For some reason, she ommitted the following before sending it to me:
for whatever consequences there might be for telling each other how we truly felt. I don't want you to be unhappy, and I know you have been. Sometimes I feel like maybe we need some space to
If it can help you, watch away. Lord knows I've lived vicariously thru all of you for far too long -- Hairdog, csw, others -- instead of growing my own set and getting to the task at hand. If my looming battle helps you, it will have been a blessing to me.
I am encouraged that she has, at least so far, responded calmly and without rage or deflection. I do fear, however, that we are both circling each other, sniffing each other out, and there is this "Are you thinking what I'm thinking? .... no, you go first -- no, you" thing going on.
I think perhaps we've both been afraid to admit that our feelings for each other are completely gone.
Choc, don't know you very well, but I'm so glad you did what you did. You took the first step.
I have to say that, from her reply, it sounds like you two could really put things back together.
Just stay "open" with your feelings, emotions, etc. with her. Tell her how much you love her and don't want to lose her. Tell her you are ready, willing and able to figure out what you two can do to put things back together.
It sounds as if you both still know you are meant to be together, you just lost touch. Get that back -- put in the effort it takes to keep it. It will be so worth it.
I think from her email, you are at a point where, as long as you continue to make it known that you aren't willing to just give up just b/c you two have kind of let things go for so long, you can start working on getting things back to where they need to be.
Good luck!! It can be done.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
