LFL wrote: "He just hurts me with his emotional withdrawal. Still."
Yep, that is exactly his response to his pain toward you.
You might think that you two have come to some sort of agreement, but you haven't. I promise you, he is hurt far more than you know. His reactions to your antics or nights out with the girls - all proof of his pain. His walking out hurt you, but don't even entertain the notion that he is not devastated as well. He is.
The both of you need an actual honest conversation about how you really feel, not some measured response.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Thanks NJ. Sorry to hear about your Dad. I haven't had much time to respond to other people's threads lately, just skimming quickly to try and keep up.
So as I stated a few hours ago, I sent to final email stating I could not talk to him because I needed to concentrate on my M. Well, he responded back again.
This is the complete email he sent me:
"I understand and don't want to make things difficult for you. I know that they are hard enough. Just know that I'm here if you ever need to talk. I hope that you are able to get clarity in your life soon. You're a sweetheart - and a total hottie - and deserve nothing but happiness. I know that it sucks now, but I'm positive you'll find it all worthwhile in the end when you do find your happiness."
So he clearly wants to keep the door open for me to contact him. I am not going to do that. I am letting this end but I am still finding this whole thing very surreal. I thought about our R some more and realized it has been almost two years since we last saw each other. Why is this happening now? Maybe I am reading too much into this but I just can't believe he is contacting me at all. He was the one who encouraged me to try and reconcile with my H when I said it was being discussed. My only guess is that he is really struggling with going to Iraq in June and wants to have some people to talk to. I just don't know. Nop, I know you said he does not want my M to work and maybe you are right. But I do think he wants me to be happy, whatever that is. I want that too. But I am committed to working on my M right now and I made that clear. Does that equate with happiness? Not as much as I would wish, but I am making the choice to work on my M right now. I am not giving up. This whole incident over the last few days has me both reeling in emotions and yet also very confident that I want my M to work. It would be very easy to just drive less than 10 minutes right now to om's house and have that SL that I know we have had in the past that made me want it 100x more with H. But I really have no fear that I will do it. So that is something positive, especially after this renewed interest on om's part. Makes me feel fairly strong despite those emotions that are bound to swirl around for a while. I can handle them. And that is the most important thing.
Honey. You are bored with your day to day life existance. That is not to say you are unhappy in your M. But your need for excitment and drama (of which that man was a big part) is what you have DRAWN to you.
Look. I am a highly emotional female. I get bored quicker than most... take my advice on something.
Spice up your life, and STOP waiting for your H to do it for you... just because you want him to notice how hum drum your life is. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. He's there, day in and day out. From his perspective, he's wondering what the heck else he has to do to prove to you that he loves you. He's THERE.
YOU are the one who needs a break from the daily grind. Own it. Don't apologize for it. Plan something. With HIM. Dump the kids at the GPs for a weekend and take him with you. Go DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. Go to the Met in NY and read every single placcard there to read. Drag him to every back alley you can find and show him how to buy hi end purses for nothing. Take him to all the places you WISH he would take you. MAKE him GET INTO the moment.
Don't wait for him, honey. He's your prince, simply because he is there every day, doing what H's do. WE are the ones who get restless. Don't be ashamed of it. Embrace it. MAKE him come out and PLAY with you. Drag him to every corner of the earth, if you have to. But don't apologize because you WANT to go to every corner of the earth.
Men don't get it. (Sorry guys. you don't). Men do what they do, day in and day out. The more the one day resembles the next, the more successful they feel. No offense). But. That is how guys are.
Stop waiting for life to happen. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Now. Right this very instant. Have I underscored that enough?
This guy emailing you... the only thing that is... is excitment in your In Box. Period.
Drag your H out with you. Now. Do it now.
Who the heck cares who plans it? If it's you... then YOU get to do exactly what you want. eh?
LFL: Men don't get it. (Sorry guys. you don't). Men do what they do, day in and day out. The more the one day resembles the next, the more successful they feel. No offense). But. That is how guys are. Corri
Hi All, I'm a married guy, and I'm new to the board, but I've been reading this forum for about a week (the SSM one in particular) because I think my wife suffers from this a bit in our marriage - and it's makes me feel bad.
I did want to grab the above quote and say: if my life was like the description you made above Corri, I wouldn't even want to live another day. My wife likes the boring vanilla life, and I'm the one whose always looking for new and wild adventures. I simply could not imagine a life like you just described above.
Honey. You are bored with your day to day life existance. That is not to say you are unhappy in your M. But your need for excitment and drama (of which that man was a big part) is what you have DRAWN to you.
Ya got that right, sister.
But the rest of your post just doesn't fit with my situation. We do all sorts of things together. We love to travel, we go out without the kids at least once a month, probably more. We go to museums, and concerts, and all sorts of exciting places. THAT is not the issue. I can do all of those things with a best friends, with my girlfriends, or just by myself.
And uhm..I have to agree with...Blackfrost ;), my H LEFT me because we had stopped doing many of those things together (mainly because the kids came along). He hates the day to day drudgery. Now that we are "best friends" again he is happy as a clam. But that his not MY issue with the M and really never has been.
Quote:
This guy emailing you... the only thing that is... is excitment in your In Box. Period.
uhm...which "in box" are we referring to? oh come on, I couldn't let that one slide.
There's having excitment in your life, and then there is having drama. Yes, you go to exciting places with your H...but even after a time that becomes almost routine because you know him so well....this OM is DRAMA. You crave drama and he's stirring things up. Admit it....you are eating it up because he's showing an interest in you again. It's NOTHING BUT DRAMA. Drama cannot endure.
You know, I was sitting there this a.m. thinking this same thing. Same sh*t, different day. Here I am, H deployed, taking care of 3 little boys, 7, 3 & 1, working full-time, obviously the only one doing laundry & cooking Anyway, that's how I am feeling. Crap!!!! But then we can look at it differently -- we (all of us) are so blessed with what we DO have. It could be so much worse. LFL, you have your kids and a H who truly does love you. It may not be exactly what you would want if you could list every single thing you would want in your M, but if we take the time to think about things in a positive light, it helps a lot.
As for the OM, yeah, excitement, that thrill going through your body thinking about the SL you had w/ him, the thought that someone other than your H thinks you are attractive. That could be cool -- I wouldn't mind that, but do you need/want the fall out? Or do you want to put that extra energy that's running through you toward your M? Initiate some hot, not gonna forget any time soon S w/ your H - spice things up even if your H may not be putting forth any effort. Sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and be the one who does it even though we already feel we've done enough & it's their turn.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Admit it....you are eating it up because he's showing an interest in you again. It's NOTHING BUT DRAMA. Drama cannot endure.
Hi GEL It is pretty self-evident I am flattered and somewhat validated by OM contacting me again. I admitted as much already. Not sure what your point with "admitting" it is exactly? Any person on this board who has been in a SSM would feel no different. Yes, it feels good. No, I am not going to talk to him anymore. And as for DRAMA vs EXCITEMENT, well, that's just semantics. You can use whatever word you wish, but the fact of the matter is life is way too short to not have some excitement and drama. I didn't agree with that philosophy pre-bomb, and look where that got me. My H dumped me, I was boring, frumpy, and depressed. I'm not going back to that ever again. If that means maintaining some "drama" in my life than so be it. I am not a total drama queen, it just comes in spurts. I really need a balance between the drama and the monotony of life. Still working on that one. LFL
we (all of us) are so blessed with what we DO have. It could be so much worse. LFL, you have your kids and a H who truly does love you. It may not be exactly what you would want if you could list every single thing you would want in your M, but if we take the time to think about things in a positive light, it helps a lot.
I agree with all of that. Some days are just harder than others.
Quote:
Initiate some hot, not gonna forget any time soon S w/ your H - spice things up even if your H may not be putting forth any effort. Sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and be the one who does it even though we already feel we've done enough & it's their turn.
Nope. I'm not going to initiate some hot sex with H. None of this is about the sex. Ok, now I am going to agree with Cemar lol, but it is the desire that is lacking. All the sex in the world doesn't make my H desire me the way I want him too. And I can't change a darn thing about that. Boy have I tried. Thanks though. LFL
- and deserve nothing but 
Anyway, that's how I am feeling. Crap!!!! But then we can look at it differently -- we (all of us) are so blessed with what we DO have. It could be so much worse. LFL, you have your kids and a H who truly does love you. It may not be exactly what you would want if you could list every single thing you would want in your M, but if we take the time to think about things in a positive light, it helps a lot.
I really need a balance between the drama and the monotony of life. Still working on that one.