Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

[andyv]

W got home at 10 pm, poor DD was exhausted (she is only 7) and in a grump mood.

W went straight to her room, left me to tend to a disgruntled DD.

Spent the next 30 min trying to calm an overtired DD. Nice thing is that when she did calm down she gave me a big hug and kiss and a I love u daddy.

This morning, W in angry mood, yelling at DD to get ready for school. She is so angry. DD is a smart and well mannered kid, and will listen to me when I speak to her in a calm voice, but won't listen to W because of her yelling and nagging.

I can't pinpoint the reason for her sudden anger (comes and goes but seems more intense over the last few days). Could it be due to my GALing and spending nights away?

Or has she just had enough, and wants to be with OM in a relationship????

[Dr LOve]

andyv
You left out one more poss.

Is she getting tired / upset with the OM.

I’m experiencing the same thing with My W. Before I started GAL she was always the same. Not really happy, not really angry just kind of there. Now she does have these mood swings. I’m lucky because it has not swung all of the way to anger but she is happier and more talkative than I have seen in a long time. Or she becomes distant. I DO NOT CHECK her phone records anymore. It just made me feel like S**t when I saw when and how long she was talking to the OM so I don’t know if it has anything to do with my actions or his.
Something is going on though. I to have been going out. I’m not really the going out kind of guy. I mean I loved going out with my W. But it’s hard to go out and leave her at home. I would rather stay home with my son. But I have forced myself to do this.
Anyway Im right there with ya I don’t know if the GAL is having an affect or not. I am planning to ask my W if she want’s to go out next week end to play some pool. No relation ship talk, No mushy stuff just a nice game of pool between friends. If she agrees Then I think the GAL is working because it’s like she wants to get in and become part of MY LIFE.

[andyv]

Thx Husband,

I feel the same way as you (re not the going out type, wanting to be with W and DD more etc).

Along with GALing, I have also gotten a new haircut (had the same one for 17 years). Also have toned up a bit (been going to Gym regularly since the bomb).

She also said something strange the other day. She said that she was talking to her cousin and stated that sometimes it takes a divorce to get back together???

I have been thinking about it for a few days and don't understand what she means.

[Dr LOve]

Andyv
I’m not sure either but from what I have read here it seems that our Ws are in la la land. But sooner or later reality hits. That’s when they think “what the hell was I thinking”. It seems sometimes it takes the D for them to hit reality. I’m hopping in my sitch it does not go that far. I think it did, she would have to do a lot of begging to come back. I have been so patient and my heart has torn apart over and over again. No my W has not hit me nor have we gotten into any fights. But my sitch is like a cancer slowly killing me. If I did get D. (got rid of the cancer) Why would I want to go back?
Of course I’m saying that now. My mind and plans change lanes six times a day.

Stay strong, Have patients but as you I can only wait for so long. It’s one thing GAL but besides a life I want and need a companion. No matter how much DB I do if my W does not give me any. I can’t stay in the R.
H

[andyv]

Husband,

If it got to divorce, and we had to go through all the pain of selling the house, separating the assets, her being with another male etc etc etc I don't think I could accept her back even if she decided that was not for her.

I am trying to salvage our M and family, once there is nothing to salvage, I don't think I would want to invest in her again (with the chance that she will turn again).

Also, after our assets are divided, I know she will "piss it up against a wall" as far as her lifestyle with no restrictions go, and eventually she will be left with nothing.

That is the way I am feeling at this point in time.

[Dr LOve]

andyv

I’m with you. I want to save our M. Thanks for reminding me about the pain it’s going to be dividing everything. See I don’t think she had thought of that either. And yes like you if we did get D It would take a lot to go back. I guess that’s why I’m giving her time to make her decision. The problem I have is that she (WE) are working on her problem of “finding” herself while OUR problem with the relation ship is on hold. I guess I’m being a little selfish.
And somewhere in all the smoke and mirrors of her problems and mine I forget there is my S10 that has problems know, and if the big D happens I’m not sure how he will turn out.

Thanks for keeping me in line

H
(livin in Australia huh, cool)

[andyv]

Yeah mate, I hear U.

I suppose with time, things do get easier. I just hope that neither of us get too fed up with the whole situation and give up hope.

I don't know about yourself, but I am the sort of person that finds it hard to forgive people that have hurt me or my family (DD). I know our wives are going through a really tough time, and I really want things to work out, hence the detaching and giving her space etc.

The thing that keeps me going is that she has done nothing wrong in the 16 years we have been together. I owe it to her to be there for her as long as it takes, but I am so emotionally exhausted.

I hope it does not get to divorce. I will keep DBing until that date, but once those papers are signed, I honestly can't see me going back.

Thx for your feedback Husband, much appreciated.

[scout332]

Andy, sorry to hear about your weekend. The best advice I can offer is to remember we are only human. Our limits only extend so far. No matter how much you do to fix things, if your W doesn't help out, you can't succeed. Take care of yourself and your Daughter. Hoping the week goes better for you.

[andyv]

Thx scout332,

Just a quick update.

W seems to be coping better, with her anger etc.

W doesn't seem to care too much about my GALing.

She is a lot more pleasant and treats me better.

She invited OM to our house for dinner (with DD) whilst I was GALing and spent a night at a friends house. She cooked him dinner (something she rarely does, as I do all the cooking). She picked him up from his house, then they picked DD up together from school, then she dropped him off at his house later in the night (with DD).

This really pisses me off, as she knows how I feel, and I have asked her to keep him away from my home and my family (DD).

She keeps telling me that he is only a friend and they enjoy each others company. They have done nothing and are not in a relationship other than friendship. She told me that she knows I have already formed my own opinion of them and she doesn't care. He has not discussed taking their freindship further nor has she.

She loves his company.

WTF, why is he always around, everywhere she goes he is there. What sort of friendship can a 26 y/o male have with a 36 y/o mother going through separation??????

Why is he hanging around???? Why is he so available to do things at short notice with her?????

[NewHorizons]

AndyV
You have the right to have boundaries at your own domicile. If you don't want him there then make sure it's clear. If you don't want him around your daughter then you need to take steps in that direction. You have to decide what your boundaries are and how to make them stick.

Her disregard for your feelings is a sign of her overall disrespect for you. Talk with a counselor and get professional advice as to how to reach your goals.

Hope your weekend is going well.

OTB