I'm a newbie...I would really appreciate any insight that anyone may have on my situation...so here is my story...
My H and I have been married almost 7 years. We both had children from our previous marriages (his D18, my S15 and my D13). Everyone thought, including me, that we had a very good marriage...not perfect, but good. We did have blended family issues mainly with his D and me. Anyhoo, his D left for college late last summer (and I thought life would get easier...ha!!!)and around October my H had a temporary, somewhat high-power position end that he really seemed to enjoy. After that, he started acting unhappy, irritable and agurmenative. Then the first part of this year, he moved and expanded his business office (double the rent) and to top it off, we sold our home and moved into my father's huge house which we were planning on buying.
In February, my H told me that he wasn't happy. I wasn't shocked that he wasn't happy but I asked him if he was committed to working on the marriage and he couldn't tell me yes. I told him that if he couldn't tell me that he was committed then he should go (keep in mind he wasn't very pleasent to be around) but I NEVER expected that he would go...I know, BIG mistake!!! He said I gave him an ultimatum...hmmm! Well, now he has been gone for over 2 1/2 months with no return in sight. Right after he left he gave me an inventory of everything I have done wrong (controlling, smothering, complains too much, yada, yada, yada...)since I have know him. I had no idea where some of this stuff came from but I did admit to my shortcomings and swore to him that I will do everything I can to try to make him happy. He says he isn't sure I am capable of change.
I know I haven't handled thing the best way since he left. The first month, I tried to reason with him and I kept demanding to know if he wanted our marriage to work out. He couldn't give me an answer. It seems that if I push him, it only seems to backfire. He does keep telling me that he loves me and claims there is no OW or EA. I asked him if we could date to try to re-establish our relationship. We have seen each other occasionally, but we always seem to end up talk about our R and that doesn't seem to be a good thing. I have been trying to detach and went 11 days without talking to him but that didn't appear to make much of a difference. One minute he seems to miss me, then the next he doesn't.
We have been to MC and IC but that it extremely difficult to schedule for him since he has buried himself in his work. We did go to MC last Friday and he seemed like he thought it was productive and told the C that he wants to continue the MC. I told him that he shouldn't continue the MC if he doesn't think that there is any hope of working things out and he assured me that there was. Since then, He called me Saturday two times but both conversations were extremely brief and shall I say, not very warm. He did not wish me a happy Mother's Day in anyway which really hurt. We were supposed to have another MC session tonight, but he sent me a text this morning saying that he wouldn't be able to make it. I know he has a big project that he is working on out of town for the next couple of weeks, so I am trying to be understanding and patient, but both are wearing very thin right now. What happened to me being a priority??? Anyway, I went ahead and went to the C tonight by myself. I decided to call him afterward. He didn't answer so, I left a message. It is getting late and he hasn't called me back...ouch! All I keep thinking is actions speak louder than words.
I know I am not the problem and I can't fix the problem. I can only work on making myself happy...which I haven't been able to do such a good job of. My H is in such a selfish phase right now that I really don't know him anymore. To make matters worse, I just moved into this big house that doesn't feel like home to me (I didn't want it in the first place...he did) so I want to move again. My mother has even offered to buy a house with me...I am not sure if that is a good idea. I have goals for myself, (start a business, make new friends, new house, etc...) but I not sure how committed I am to anything since my life is upside down! Help!!!
