I just hit "Send" on the following e-mail to the fetching Mrs. Chocolateeyes:
Quote:
Susan,
We need to talk.
What I'm about to say is extremely painful for me. I apologize in advance for the impersonal e-mail, but I need to get this off my chest and then I'd like to talk to you about it just as soon as you can.
You are still the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I still believe you are "the one" that was meant for me. My respect for you has grown even stronger in some ways recently, and I admire you on so many levels. There was a time when I thought what we had was really special, that once-in-a-lifetime thing that some people never even get to experience. The reason I haven't had a good night's sleep in a week is because I've been thinking a lot lately about how in the hell we let that slip away. I share fully in the responsibility for that, and I know that for the last five years or so I've been no picnic either.
We were at this point 5 years ago, and we did nothing -- at least nothing permanent -- about it. Is it really not important to either one of us?
I think it's become pretty obvious that we're both pretty much going thru the motions of our marriage right now, and it's become painfully clear to me that you're looking for something (someone?) else right now. You are distant, and some of the things you say -- even in front of others -- hint at what you're looking for.
And it's clearly not me.
I'm sure it's obvious that I haven't been happy for years, and it's now become obvious that you're not happy either. I'm not sure what a "mid-life crisis" is, exactly, but I do take our marriage -- and our family life -- seriously, and I can't keep going on like this without you and I talking honestly about what we want from this marriage. I have some thoughts, but I would like to hear yours first.
Are you unhappy, or am I all wet here? I would appreciate an honest answer, and hope you'd agree that I deserve at least that. I cannot live in an affection-less marriage much longer. This is killing me.
Paul
I'm not sure if I worded it properly. I edited. I re-edited. I thought about just saving it, and seeing how it felt in the morning.
Then I thought about my kids, and about me, and my wife, and about how we ALL deserve my best effort here.
And so I sent it.
Please pray for my marriage, if you're so inclined. This is gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets better (if it ever does).
