I received a Txt reply from my Ex in regards to the email I sent to her.
"Thank-you for the email it makes me feel relieved"
The email explained why I'm am going to counseling with her, what I hope to get out of it between us, that I am fine with things as they are.
Last line Quoted:
“I can wait to figure the other stuff out… I’m not in a bad place… I’m just very confused about how I feel. I VERY much don’t want to mess up the good things that have happened between us... I want to encourage them.”
I gave her a quick phone call to tell her I was glad she understood.
and went on to say:
" I want to clear up how I felt things would be SHOULD things change dramatically ( I have no expectaion that they will )... I don’t expect to jump into anything with you... I wouldn't be ready for that... If something should happen between us it needs be right for both of us..."
"I don’t mean to be so emotional about things with you it’s just what you bring out in me... you always have… its what makes you different from other women… I am trying to figure out why that is the case."
She simply replied with "Uh huhs" which has always meant she’s not necessarily agreeing with what I am saying just that she is acknowledging it.
We then had some friendly banter about my sore leg and made jokes about how I would like to bring coffees to Lacrosse but I don’t think I could carry them. She joked back that she expected me to now…
I ended the call with see you tomorrow.
I got the impresion that it was a postive response overall.
So now to how do I proceed from here…
I won’t be in contact with her excepting at Lacrosse Tuesday night and Counseling Thursday AM and Thursday night. Then she will be gone on a Holiday for a week with her BF and I will have the Kids for the remainder of the month.
I will be making no further conversations about this unless it comes up as part of our counseling discussions…
So... What can I do for myself that will move me along the path towards a better life for myself and my kids?
My physical activity has been very curtailed thanks to my Torn Calf muscle. I am taking my Kids to their Lacrosse games and going to watch them play. My daughter and son both have a tourney this weekend.
My daughter has a 3 day school camping trip the first week in June one day of which I have volunteered to help. I have a camping trip planned with my kids and my parents for the 2nd weekend in June.
Normally I Take my Kids to for a week out to my Parents Cabin in July currently I have set aside no specific time for that this year... I am considering just taking one group of my 5 days in mid to later July that I have with the kids and driving out.
My Daughter has Summer Camp for a Week in later July.
If July end up being to busy I may do that in Aug.
180's for myself... Stop being so emotional about my Ex, counseling for myself to help understand why she is able to affect me so much, Continue to focus on myself and my Kids... Keep going to the gym once my bum Leg lets me again.
MAYBE a date with that lady I refered to in the other post... but Im concerned about that whole situation and weather its ethical for me to date someone while still considering a "Rec." with my Ex. (which currently in this case seems VERY outside the realm of posiblity)
The counseling we are going to Thursday AM is for our daughter and that is supposed to be the focus of it. However through talking with my daughter I know a big part of my daughter’s issues with her mom is she would like “US” to be together as a family how we used to be.
My daughter knows her Mothers choices and her BF are the impediment to making that happen. In regards to that I have been VERY clear with my daughter that her actions may do nothing to bring her mom and I together. She has told me she understood that and that at the very least what she wants is for her mom would spend more time JUST with her and her brother. She has requested one weekend a month with her Mother at her place in our hometown.
It isn’t about My daughter not liking my Ex’s BF… he is a nice enough guy… my daughter has stated that “He’s not my dad and I don’t want to spend so much time with him, I don’t want to go on holiday with him and Mom… I’d like to go with just mom.” “I love my Grandma but I don’t want to go to her house as much either”
I will not force my daughter to go with my Ex if she doesnt want to go to her Grandmas for the weekend or If she doesnt want to be with her Moms BF... If it is my daughters choice to stay with me rather then do that I will stand behind her.
Both my Ex and I have expressed that we want to consider talking with this counselor further on our own…
I am hoping the counselor may lead us in the direction of reconciliation but I don’t know what his frame of reference is or even if it is a good idea that we would see the same counselor separately. Or even if Reconcilliation is the best thing for everyone concerned.
Thoughts, comments, arguements, slaps upside the head... all are welcome and encouraged :P
