Wife hits me.....need help....

[Sigh]

I am sory your stich has taken a bad turn Sol.

From what you have told us, your wife needs serious help. You may have to do something this drastic to get her the help she needs, before she seriously hurts you or your children.

I know the decision you are trying to come to terms with is not an easy one. Our stiches are very different, but the abuse is very similar.

I was the one who did wrong, and I have hung in there for 18 months after the S**t hit the fan. although the physical abuse seems to have stopped, the mental abuse continues...My H can be very sweet and affectionate, then at the drop of a dime, become a completely different person.

I am at the same decision as you are. Do I leave this situation for my own well being? My H will not give up my D. She even told me 2 days ago, Daddy says if you try to take me, he will kill you...this from the mouth of a 10 year old...

I have no advice, but wanted to empathize with you as I know how tough of a decision it is.

Good luck to you.

[~Sol]

Thank you Sigh, same to you. They are a different person. Let the courts decide who is the better parent or maybe agree to joint parenting? Not sure about Canada, but in the states it is becoming a common arrangement from what I hear.

I am trying to hang in there, like you are. My daughter is 8 and I would hate to see my W have custody of her.

[~Sol]

W has calmed down considerably. But I know the issues are still there right under her skin.

I'm going to find more info about what I can do to make sure that I can end this thing the best way.

[12102006]

SOL

I totally agree that your wife needs a psych e-val...her anger
was evident when you were both dating (red flag)...her molestation
in the early years by her father had a double whammy...trust in
a father figure/men and sexual betrayal...

She cannot afford the house on her own and buy your half out,
thus, it would be better to buy her out or sell...your attorney
will advise you. As far as having her tested for her suicidal
outcries...yes, by all means...you could be saving her life.

You are strong in character Sol, you know what to do...cut the
loss and set her free...if you can't prove adultery, don't worry
about it...they'll get her on the e-val...for her own protection.
You have a lot of support here from everyone....

[ford]

sol, the number lady is wise.

muster up the mojo, you're going to need it.

you're going to be alright, my friend.

[~Sol]

Well,

I don't know what to say here. 1210, you know my W's behavior pretty well. She called me from work, and told me that she was sorry for her behavior on Sunday. She wanted a nice Mother's Day, well, that did not happen, not with my feelings hurt and her rejecting my gift.

She also said that I did not treat her right, no duh!! I felt like crap, and I expressed to her how I felt....Now she's trying to make up for it by being "nice" again, but she only apologized to me once for her outburst.

I am still going through with getting her to get that eval. She needs it more than she realizes. Her playing "nice" again isn't going to sway me, but I need a new tactic with her. It would be nice if she just agreed to go get checked out and for me to take her. Hmm, if only things worked out that way.

At least I took a step in the right direction by calling an attorney and they told me what I needed to do. The biggest concern they had was whether I wanted to fight for full custody or settle for joint. Of course I want full.

But I wonder if my W is wising up and she realizes more than ever how over-the-edge I am about ending it with her????

[Astimegoeson]

In VA, they take that seriously and she would be ordered to get admitted in a psych ward right away to determine if she is a danger to herself and to her kids.

They all take it seriously. 32% of domestic homicides in this Country are dead husbands or ex-husbands.

[~Sol]

OK, she is going to counseling with me or I am going to file. I am putting that on the table for her. She already apologized for her behavior on Sunday, but she doesn't see my side of it yet (hence the need for counseling and getting her head examined.)

She is back to "nesting" and has asked me if I can take some paid vacation days off from work to go on a family trip and finish my studio in the garage....

I am going to talk to her about getting into MC now. I'm going to bring it up in a casual conversation.....and ask her if she wants to work on the M or not.

This is what my lawyer (not "my" lawyer yet...) told me:
You would file for custody, support, protective order and criminal charges at the Juvenile Court. Civil commitments are processed through the magistrates.

Not sure how to deal with her now. I could just go and file but I seem to have one last chance to get her a$$ (and mine) into therapy.....

[whatisis]

Sol, I think you are right to do something about this, no more giving her time. Her pattern is to blow, make nice and then blow all over again. That is crazy making and dangerous. I'm not sure it's MC she most needs right now versus personal C and maybe medication. Yet, obviously, the stress of what's been happening in your M has had a huge impact on her behaviour. So, I guess, any form of help may be appropriate, anything to "do something different"!Has she heard of anger management classes? They could be helpful too. Bottom line is that you and your D cannot continue to live in a violent situation. It is not OK to do so and she needs to hear this. So do what you have to do, Sol.
I'll be thinking of you.

[~Sol]

Whatis.....part of her blow outs are that I am the one that triggers them. I know it's a MAJOR communication breakdown that is going on....

she won't HEAR me out (how I feel, etc)

and I can't understand her moods....

But there is that anger there.....both of us need to get to anger mgt. And she needs more help.

Doing something different is just what I need to do. I need to marinate on this one, but you are right, I am not giving into her pattern, and I need to break my own cycle too.....

In a way, I can relate to her blow ups....they used to be MY blowups, and I got aggressive.... not anymore though.

I am going on AD's too, maybe I can give some to my W???? A nice week with civil behavior between the 2 of us would be nice for a change.