After much thought I have decided to move back to “Divorced but not Done” from “Surviving the big D”
My divorce has not been filed however everything is in place to ensure that it goes through easily as soon as I have my lawyer review the information.
I am still unsure if rebuilding my marriage is really what I want... most of these posts are me trying to sort out my thoughts and find out what I really want.
I have come to this section because I feel like I have slightly more inclination towards repairing things over giving up and moving on I am still very ambiguous over the idea of it all.
I have “given up” so many times over the past year… but even through angry words and poor judgment of actions on my part… I know I never really stopped loving her.
I see my ex and emotions get all jumpy. Seeing her and talking with her makes me happy and sad and empty and angry all at the same time…
I have become adept at not showing her how I feel about things… most of the time… however there have been many occasions where I have talked about things that should best be left alone.
I want her and yet I don’t want her…
She affects me like no other person in my life and she always has. What I hope to get out of counseling for myself is an understanding of why this is the case and how I can deal with that while still being open to the possibility of reconciling with her.
I currently don’t have anyone in my life that I have serious feelings for… However there is one lady that very recently (last night) expressed a great deal of interest in me…
With things being so uncertain with my Ex I don’t want to miss the chance at something special with a Lady who might come into my life…
But I find myself very guarded with other women… I constantly feel like I am purposely holding something back from them…
Not just because of some slim hope that things might turn around with my Ex but also because I don’t trust my judgment in matters of the “heart” well enough to consider any relationship I might have as worth pursuing as something serious.
For over a year now I have presented my life as a SINGLE separated Dad whose main focus is his Kids, 1.5 weeks ago I changed my dating profile to read “Divorced” and found that the change in thinking / title didn’t bother me at all. As of today I have turned off that last profile.
If something comes of this Lady that I am talking with great, if not I am going to stop doing any kind of dating and focus on getting myself to a place where I am healthy enough to have a relationship.
I can wait to figure the other stuff out… I’m not in a bad place over things… I’m just very confused about how I feel.
I VERY much don’t want to mess up the good things that have happened between her and I...
But I am ready to walk away from it all at anytime and live my own life as I have been doing now…
I am equally ready to take things slowly and rebuild something with her if it can be rebuilt.
