NikkiB #15 (moving to Piecing)

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I totally agree. HE is the one who made the choice to cross the line... and believe me he did, no matter if it was a PA or not. This is his fault, not yours. You have every right to feel how you do. I would be sick to my stomach just knowing my H was still working with the woman. well, more so if there was a PA, but still.

It is bothering you because it should. It wasn't right in the beginning, and because he crossed the line of friendship, it's too late. If he really wants his M to work, he needs to keep her out of his life and yours as much as possible.

Why don't you ask him what he thinks is acceptable? If your positions were reversed, what would he expect you to do if you were in his shoes? You need to find out what he really expects out of this now. Either he can't help himself and does still have a little feeling for her (my H kept trying to put the friends thing on me too, and I'm like, I'm not stupid, you thought you loved her and she was perfect for you, that just doesn't go away overnight), or he really really thinks that nothing is going to happen again so why is it a big deal, or he's kinda feeling left out at the functions at work and thinks do I have to stay home just because she's there.

yes this totally totally sucks. you know I've been thru this time too. H txt to OW for like 4 months after he came back to me. maybe I need to ask him, what was it exactly that made you stop txting OW back? was it something I said or did, or something that you realized? I'll try to ask him. He hates it when I bring this stuff up, but I'm just like, gosh, if only he was as open as I was about this...just think how many people, especially men, he could help. oh well. he doesn't think it's his job.

like I said, I think you need to sit down with him sometime and ask him what he really thinks is appropriate. Then whatever he says, you can either say, yes, that is what I want, or this is not appropriate to me and as long as you attend functions, alone, with her involved, in my eyes, the EA is not over.

Have you said to him, okay, there is a guy in the singles group that I really enjoyed talking to, would you think it was appropriate for me to go hang out with him and some other girls or men sometime? If he says no, well then I'm thinking "DUH", but if he says ya, if your just friends and your with a group why not, well then say, okay, what if me and this guy had previously had an EA (or however you want to explain how he acted with OW). SURELY he would hate that.

Sometimes people just can't "see" it until they are put in another persons shoes. I did that with my H, but you know that I really did have someone else at one time, and I think he understood. But it did take a little time for him to stop txting her back. But for him, he had the PA and I think he had been really really pulled in to the A, not so much as your H.

okay, that got really long. Glad to hear the pup is good, and you just keep taking care of yourself. You are still on the right path.