I'm sorry you and your family are going through such a difficult time. My thoughts go out to you.
The stories about your dad are great! I have such admiration for the generations that came before us. They had such grit, such fortitude, such strength. They are an inspiration.
Thank you mrs.cac. Funny I should find so much support for this crisis from an SSM board...it's amazing how life works!
You know, I see some of that grit and determination in both you and your H, particularly in all that you went through to have your son. My parents have a similar story about their struggle to have a second child ( me) after several miscarriages. No matter what they went through in life, that phase of life seemed to be the glue that held them together.
I'm so sorry. Really, there's nothing that can prepare you for the illness and eventual loss of a beloved parent. Just know that it will get worse but then it will get better. Remember that your father would want you to take care of yourself in this time of crisis. The knowledge of his care for you is the part of him that will always be with you and it is what you will pass on to your children.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Yep. My mother was in no rush to settle down and have kids. She was a vibrant and lively woman ( and still is) but not the most maternal! I've mentioned my issues with her, but in an amazing transformation, she went on to become an awesome grandmother.
My parents were the typical case of opposites attracting. They met at a dance. My mother loved to dance; I don't think I ever saw my father dance...well maybe once. They went out, and he was upset...she had this mole on her face and he was worried about it, so he told her. So she goes to the bathroom and washes it off! That intrigued him, and the rest is history!
They married in their 30's...she's a few yrs older...had my brother...then struggled to have a second child. Luckily for me they didn't give up. She was almost 45 when she had me ( and I am now 45.)
Jenny, thank you for those words...I know where they are coming from, with a father as yours.
Wow! A baby at 45. Yikes! My grandmother's aunt had her last baby at ~47~
She was married in 1900 at the age of 22 and had kids in 1902, 1904, 1912 and 1924. (I'm a genealogy nut, that's how I know. )
Infertility is a strange experience. You just get sucked deeper and deeper into it and you can't help it. Even people like me who were never overly maternal. You find yourself doing things (for treatment) that might have been unimaginable before. People without insurance coverage (thankfully not us) take out second mortgages to pay for treatments.
I guess the bottom line is that we don't realize how much we take something for granted (such as having a baby) until we realize we may never be able to have that thing. It really changes one's perspective.
We were incredibly lucky. It's good to have a reminder of that from time to time because I tend to forget how hard it was and how the odds were against us, and just see myself as a mom with a child. Certainly, all children are gifts, but ours was truly a miracle.
It's great that the struggle to have a baby strengthened your folks' marriage. It doesn't always work out that way.
When I think about it, what I see in current generations that the elders didn't seem to have is a sense of entitlement. The elders did what they had to do, they worked hard, but I don't think they felt entitled to anything. They took what they got and made the best of it. Life sure was tough, in the amount of physical labor it took to do most things, whether raising children or working in a factory or iron foundry. But still they did it. When I think of what my own grandparents did, I feel like such a lightweight in comparison. Sometimes it helps to wonder what they would do if faced with a certain situation.
I had a nice Mother's Day. Thanks! And thanks in advance for letting me include my musings in your thread.
My maternal grandparents emigrated in 1921 and came through Ellis Island. Their names are on a plaque there. My grandmother had 10 children starting in 1922 with the last one being born in 1945. (My aunt is only three years older than I am.) One child died at the age of 12. Another aunt and uncle have died. So seven (including my mother) are still living. They grew up in a house that was one room wide, with a living room, dining room, and kitchen all in a line. The bathroom started out in the back yard, but eventually was moved (with a metal tub) into the basement. Upstairs there were two bedrooms, one for the parents and one for the kids. They hung a curtain down the middle of the kids' room with the boys on one side and the girls on the other. My grandfather worked in a steel factory (and dug graves at the church), my grandmother cleaned houses. My mother always refers to my heritage as "sturdy peasant stock." No kidding.
ETA:
NJ, if you don't mind, I'd love to hear some others' stories about their parents and grandparents and the values, family legends, accomplishments and stuff that are part of their family lore. (With identifying details kept out, of course.)
OK, dangerous question for a family history buff, but you asked.
My paternal grandparents emmigrated to Mass. from Nova Scotia. He was born in 1909, she in 1910. They were from fishing villages on opposite ends of the province, but ended up in the same town here. Their families moved here for better employment opportunities. My grandfather only completed the 8th grade. He spent most of his adult life working in the local shoe factory, as did his BIL and my own father. My grandparents were naturalized during the 40s I believe.
My grandmother wasn't really a grandmotherly type in the traditional sense. I always thought that had she lived in a different era, she would have been best suited for a career and not a family. But in her day she had no choice of course. I had the great fortune of growing up doors away from them so they were like second parents.
When I was younger, I often asked my grandmother to take me on trips to "Novy," which they did annually, but she would always tell me I'd just be bored. She always went back to see her relatives, but she seemed really glad she didn't have to live there. She was an unbelievable clothes horse, and rather high maintenance. Definitely NOT a country girl. Never drove a car and never rode a bike.
My grandparents and all their siblings are gone.
My maternal grandmother emigrated from Liverpool, England to Boston around 1905. She was born in 1893 or 1894, and my grandfather, who descended from a long line of New Englanders, was born in 1895. He was a WWI vet; his grandfather was a Civil War vet. I have copies of his Civil War records in my collection. He was at a number of the famous battles and apparently shook Lincoln's hand on the battle field. My grandmother was naturalized with her family not too long after their arrival. She was one of 11 children. My grandfather was also a working musician who performed at local venues.
My maternal grandfather died when I was almost 4, so I don't really have memories of him. I never met my grandmother. But their stories as told by my mother always interested me.
My grandfather raised chickens and pigs, in a suburb of Boston, in the early 40s, which blows my mind. (His day job was at the post office.) My grandmother made all sorts of things at home like laundry soap. They didn't waste anything. She made clothes and dance costumes for the kids, including skirts for my mother and her sister out of grain (feed) bags. They had a very large vegetable garden and many fruit trees, and all the produce was eaten fresh or canned. They pretty much only purchased what couldn't be grown or made at home. My mother remembers Saturday night baths in the old tub before they had hot running water.
Here's something interesting I learned during my genealogy research. An ancestor of my maternal grandfather served in Mass Bay Colony militia including service in Nova Scotia during the British expulsion of the Acadians in 1755. As cac succinctly put it, "your mother's ancestor went up there to kick your father's ancerstors out!" After his service, he was awarded land in Nova Scotia and became a grantee of the town where he settled with his family and remained after the Revolutionary War. Yes, he was a loyalist. My great-great grandfather was born in N.S. but eventually settled in MA, thus returning the branch to New England.
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