Afterall..... This IS my life IV for heatherg

[heatherg]

I totally agree. We both need to recommit. And you know what they truly scary thing about that is? That I've known that for two years now but we're still here.
My truck has not sold yet, I'm bummed because it's priced fairly. Edmunds has it appraised at $17,495 for my area and I've listed it at $17,000. I've gotten tons of calls, two visits but no one seems to want to pay $17k. Which is bad because it puts my loss even bigger. In the meantime, I've been paying $200 more a month in my payment than I have to in order to get the amount down to something more manageable all at once. I'm thinking about reducing the amount another $1k and if it sells, I'll just rent a compact car until I can pay off what's left on the lease and then I will buy another car. I'll start on that path when I get back from Vegas.
I've been trying really hard not to focus on what H needs to do. I've surrendered completely, I really have, to the notion that his life is his to live. If he wants to be with me, he'll make the choices and changes himself. If he doesn't, I have my life to live. I've been successful with many of my efforts to change myself.
I've been very into sex, ZERO rejection of him. I initiate often, talk more about it, etc. I've stepped up my interest level in many ways in an attempt to make him feel loved and cared for.
I've started saying ILY again. Not often, but now and then.
I've made an effort to say thanks for the things he does around the house, etc.
I've controlled my tongue more than I ever thought I could/would. Still not perfect, but making measurable progress.
I've drawn boundaries. Maybe not perfectly, but I still think they are loud and clear. When he was disrespectful on the phone, I hung up. Didn't carry a grudge about it, but absolutely did not tolerate it at the time it was happening. When I found the porn, I made it clear this was his last chance. It isn't about threats, etc. It's about living the life that's right for both of us. If that life isn't together, then we're wasting precious time. Let's either do it or get on with our lives elsewhere.
I've also been really good with controlling my reactions to his moods, his provocations, etc. Giving him space, finding my own things to do, going on like nothing has happened.

I 100% agree that sleeping separately is BS. You have no idea how I've come to be able to see through his words...it is sooo obvious to me now when he is deflecting, making excuses, etc. I hear it, I see it. But I can't change it. He'll either make the changes or he won't. Time is ticking.