I LIKE CeMar. He is one of my favorite people on here. He helped me a great deal, believe it or not, during my pre-D period. He has an empathetic side to him. He CAN go there. He has earned a soft spot in my heart, even if there are times I want to strangle him for his lack of communication.
I believe CeMar is human, just like the rest of us, with his own challenges and struggles. So he is NOT like the rest of us. That does not mean he is a troll or anything else of the like. He is CeMar, and as such, deserves some respect. Even if we all want to choke him sometimes.
I don't really think he's a troll. Nor do I mean to disrespect him. I am not-so-subtly trying to get him to engage, somehow, because he isn't engaging with anyone, and he isn't going to get help until he does. But he won't. *sigh*
I wonder if he's short on detail because he worries that people he knows will recognize him from the details of his situation.
Or maybe there's something about himself that he's so painfully ashamed of that he won't even talk about himself on an anonymous message board. Possibly for fear that someone he knows will recognize him from his detailed descriptions were he to give them.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
I'd agree with you, and I've had the same thought, if it wasn't for his insistence on "desire". That's ...how do I explain it? An emphatic wish, isn't t? Would someone with an autism spectrum disorder really worry about that?
I'm not convinced that CeMar really knows what desire is. He has not experienced it from his wife in years and I am not clear whether he knows what his own desires are. I think he is reading a lot of stuff that talks about desire, so on an intellectual level, he is focusing on this fantasy without really knowing what it is or what it means. He just can't seem to connect the dots in his mind, even if you put those dots so close together they almost form a line. That inability is not normal. I think there is a lot more going on with CeMar than we know.
CeMar,
Talk up! Are you out there? Answer some questions.
I'd agree with you, and I've had the same thought, if it wasn't for his insistence on "desire". That's ...how do I explain it? An emphatic wish, isn't t? Would someone with an autism spectrum disorder really worry about that?
I'm not convinced that CeMar really knows what desire is. He has not experienced it from his wife in years and I am not clear whether he knows what his own desires are. I think he is reading a lot of stuff that talks about desire, so on an intellectual level, he is focusing on this fantasy without really knowing what it is or what it means. He just can't seem to connect the dots in his mind, even if you put those dots so close together they almost form a line. That inability is not normal. I think there is a lot more going on with CeMar than we know.
CeMar,
Talk up! Are you out there? Answer some questions.
My insistence on desire? If you don't have desire, what DO you have? What can sustitute for desire in marriage? How can a woman actually meet the need for sexual fulfillment without having desire? Willingness to have sex will NOT meet this need.
Just curious...what, SPECIFICALLY, does desire look and feel like to you? I ask because with my XH, there were times when I thought I was showing all kinds of desire and he was not picking up on it at all. He had MAJOR abandonment issues and sometimes did not trust in what he was seeing/feeling. From my side of things, it felt like not only could I not be subtle at all when trying to initiate (or showing my openness to him initiating), but that I had to be over the top with the signals I would send out to the point of being crass/crude (which kind of killed my desire.)
Bear
The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
--Marcel Proust
My insistence on desire? If you don't have desire, what DO you have? What can sustitute for desire in marriage? How can a woman actually meet the need for sexual fulfillment without having desire? Willingness to have sex will NOT meet this need.
Good question.
What did your wife do when you first met that showed you she desired you? Specifics, please.
