Great advice Jazz, tho, I imagine 25yrs has already done this.
For me, this would be a no brainer. I would not go. But then, I'm on the other side of a D and know that life goes on and in my case fabulously!!!!
To me, it seems that you're making 95% of the concessions and he's making a lot of promises. Do you really want to disrupt your daughters at this point? My feelings are that as long as you're ambivalent, stay put. The fact that you're not giddy and dieing to leap into his outstretched arms says a lot. There comes a time when it is too little too late and that may be where you're at now.
In either case, I wish you the best of luck. You sound like a wonderful lady and you deserve the best. Make sure you get it!!!
Will someone just tell me to shut up and Go!!??? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
THANKS!!! I always knew you had the answers.... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
seeing other people who want my marriage to work AND for me to be happy, write out the different points of view actually helps me. Today I'm calling my L to see what kind of "friendly but safe" document I can have written up that will lengthen my legal rights and keep California law applicable, for a year or so. I know a few ways to do that even without the document (like pay CAL taxes and keep this house, etc) OR maybe that if we end up D'd, that I'd have physical albeit joint custody of d9.
I hate things like this as I am convinced that 95% of couples who sign pre-nupt are doomed and that the pre-nuptial reflects the lack of committment or distrust....guess I'm not totally trusting right now...(duh).
Okay, my son flies in for the summer today so I'm off to pick that boy/man up at the airport soon.
Thanks folks and keep sharing your thoughts b/c I value them and it's nice to know I am not a crazy woman.
Feeling grief about d18's going to college feels like an exaggeration to write down, but it's not. I have to separate which feelings of loss are related to what/whom and just deal with each as best I can... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
The man really wants you up there, and doesn't care if you go for a lesser paying job that would make you happy, he just wants you there. If my H did this and wanted me with him, I am sorry but I would pick up and go and leave all my misgivings behind, and just trust in him.
And you know what's funny, my S has signed up for drama as his #1 elective next yr. I always loved acting when I was younger, and I could tell he was a natural, especially when he dressed up as one of the Presidents for class and did a speech, that he had memorized, when he was only about 9 yrs old.
don't know. Much too much to do this summer. Back and forth, sort of half there, half here until the fall. Feels as if the move, and the send offs to our children, will be only MY responsibility/problem, but I'm predicting/mind reading there, to h's detriment. Not fair to complain, just yet at least. I guess I have to get d9 into school up there in August but I have to see d18 off to college in September...don't know how this will work, logistically. H called about what dates he should spend down here, other than d18's graduation. I said 4th of July which would also mean being here for d9's birthday on july 1. H said "not good timing" as it's right before his contract renewal, when he'll probably make partner, and besides that---- he "WILL be here for her birthday" i.e., --celebrating it 2 weeks early...which won't be the first time a kid "changes their birthday" ...so I made a snide remark...(brilliant, huh?) Then h said for me not to give him a hard time as he was in the presence of a co-worker, which means she could also hear HIM giving ME a hard time. I told him not to ever do that "in public" again and that I was hanging up. He muttered and then I hung up...great.....GREAT DBing J-!!!!! Christ, I have to go do my forgiveness/anger releasing exercises again, CLEARLY...
Also don't know where we're going to live up there either. Hard to find rentals online and even though buying is a better idea, eventually, I don't know the areas enough to choose yet, and NO, I WILL NEVER LET H PICK THE HOUSE WITHOUT ME THERE....sorry, been there, done that. Vowed to kids that h would never again choose a place. He did choose for us twice in the past and one place was 950 sq ft, but close to his work...and other was a dump and we were assigned to my home town then. It bugged me b/c I felt ashamed and so did the kids, so we rarely entertained the way we wanted to.
And btw, our son will arrive tonight (!) and be here for the summer, maybe for his last summer with us, as he graduates from college next year...so for me, this summer is a special time I want to cherish. At least all my kids will be here with me. Having H gone a lot isn't new. But it'd be nice to have all 5 of us together. Christmas was the last time, and s20 hurt his wrist, really really badly unfortunately...long story there....(instead of a normal break, it was also dislocated and did nerve damage to his left hand, so he cannot grab things or use that hand to carry stuff. MD said "Functional amputee"---OUCH!! Unless the PT and 2nd surgery got lucky. He has some motion in it, and luckily he is right handed. But since he's athletic, and really his body/face ARE his way of making a living--he's an actor and has been on Broadway, so, frankly, I cannot even think about his hand too much, or I'll freak out. I MUST believe that b/c he is strong, otherwise healthy, is doing his physical therapy and we accessed the BEST hand surgeon we've heard of (FIB, he's in NY, btw--and takes no insurance....ouch again) that we are doing all we can. If we know this to be true, the rest is in God's hands. (Guess that could apply to our M's too)...
Is it just ME? I almost cried dropping d18 off at school today KNOWING I will only do this another dozen times before she's off to college? No more dropping off at school, saying hilarious lines or motherly things, and picking her up later and asking how her day was, etc.... I remember dropping son and daughter off at school a week before son graduated from high school. They were walking together talking, with their backpacks. I watched them go....and I cried, knowing I might not ever see that again, and that our time as a family with children, is much more limited than I ever realized. I am NOT looking forward to the kids bbeing out of the house. I am also one of 9 kids, so maybe it's just what I'm used to. But with these little people/growing up SO fast, is this something just mothers feel (except your MLC wife, jdk, sorry--but I still retain hope she'll "wake Up" she has too many inconsistencies, she makes me look decisive...) or do guys feel it a lot too?
Folks, I recognize that I am overwhelmed. I am depressed and paralyzed by everything...I know I need some sort of help, but am not sure where to get it. Yep, am on AD's and they helped, but I have so much trouble sleeping, even with sleeping pills. Without taking something, I'll stay up until 3 or 4 am and then be dragging all day.
Yes, I've got a DB appt but I think I need help HERE, kwim? Also am neglecting the most important legal case I ever had, the only one I kept...WHY?? Low self esteem, fear of losing the case, both true. I've taken some professional hits in the past that really hurt one's ego. Never really worked through them. I reported a L for doing something unethical, and maybe illegal. I left my job, but was smeared for reporting that guy AND he kept his job. So now, for the only plaintiff's case I ever took I am stalling idiotically....and the amount the case COULD settle for, or win at trial, is big. Maybe a life changing amount, and also, a very good cause. What is wrong with me? Well, glad I cleared all that up. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
