Piecing, 2 steps forward, one back, or more?

[25yearsmlc]

qoe-

your questions are good and valid and of course, depressing... I have a DB coach who (btw, mine is really really good for me, and not just pro-M at all costs, etc.)
insists I structure some sort of creative outlet there, or it's doomed. I agree and when I say this to H, he agrees. I also asked him the $30k question, "how excited would you be if I were to go up there and teach drama for $30k and Not take the heroe's job, earning 6 figures with fat promises of more...?" H said "I just want you to be here. Do whatever you want here, just come..."

(Q- give the guy credit...it Was a good answer)

H also says the things like wanting to "prove" he can "be a better H" and I think I posted earlier about some of his wanting the "chance to eat crow"...knows he has "a lot of crow to eat" with me and d9, etc....

Does he really KNOW the damage done? Hell, do any of us? And Q, are you saying that the only way h can "prove" himself to me/us, to quit his job there, his claimed "dream" of early retirement and a "great life"....?? H has asked me that several times, and I am not sure what the answer is, other than to say, "it'd be a start."
His jobs have been hard, including 3 years at a burn unit, which did suck. The job he had here was prestigious, but over an hour commute each way. Nope, he did not have to take that job and nope, we didn't have to have THIS house, which was his choice, "for us". (The choice of this house, which was/is a stretch for us, and huge upkeep, will ALWAYS be a mystery to me, given what his apparent plans were. But then, maybe that's another symptom of MLC, inexplicable choices, in hindsight...)

h has always worked super hard, but also seems to believe that somewhere out there, is a "secret" to having it all. And if only he can find that secret, he won't have to work hard...or something. I wish, and pray, that he could see that we already had it all...right in front of him. I know I'm mindreading and analyzing, and who cares why it all happened anyway? Just trying to minimize the chance of a reoccurrence.

Other than the money, the other 2 things that are "good" about the heros' job offer is that it'd be socially a lot easier to "plug in" compared to starting out as a sahm joining the PTA, auditioning, and "paying my dues" (sigh) in the theater "group" up there...It is a lot harder to make friends in a new place if you have no social contacts, outside of the 5th grade moms. The problem I had in Alaska the first time we lived there, was arriving there without a job and with a baby 6 weeks away.
People seemed to cut my IQ in half when they see you pregnant or with an infant.

Oh, AND, I guess, the job would be a pinch hit for the "home team". God knows they need help. And h is on that team. They have a desparate need at least temporarily for probably 3 lawyers, a business planner, a compliance person, public relations, lobbyist, risk management department, and oh, btw, I think that's all me...(flattering, huh!!??)
And scary.

But having the job on my resume would enable me to live elsewhere and increase my salary demands if I need to get the hell out of there. In that sense, my security is increased. And, in theory, I can do my writing anywhere. It isn't the writing, it's selling the writing that requires networking...(but I don't want to use that as an excuse not to try, okay?) **we are not selling the house here and for at least 6 months, we are not renting it out either. I need my escape route, and h has agreed. Eventually we'll figure something out there, b/c it is a huge house to have empty. But I can't cut all ties here and go up there, and feel safe. So for now, I'm making this a condition.
yikes!! I'm babbling....sorry. gotta go play with my kids now, so they remember I'm their mom.
j-