I got physically abused by my W this morning. Yelling, screaming, threw the flowers and card I gave her for Mother's Day.
She rejected them by not thanking me for them and was indifferent about the flowers - not appreciative at all. She told me she couldn't wear them around her neck and that I never get her anything. She was BBQing steak and chicken in the back yard, and I was helping. I later told her how I felt about her not being thankful or appreciative that I got her SOMETHING.
We have a LATE HOUSE PAYMENT....that I will pay this FRIDAY!!!!!
Yesterday she wanted me to buy her GOLD JEWELRY as a gift from me to her for Mother's Day. She KNOWS that we are behind on this month's house payment. yet she was angry that I didn't get her any jewelry!!! She says that if I really LOVED HER that I would buy her something worth while.
When I expressed my feelings to her about her rejecting the flowers, she got defensive and that's when it escalated. Now, I didn't push her into this, I wanted to EXPRESS to her HOW I FELT ABOUT HER REJECTING MY GIFT. I was HURT by it. I told her and I DID NOT YELL, but was CALM......
I worked on a tattoo on her upper arm yesterday. It was a portrait of her mother, in black and gray. It is stunning, but she wanted me to finish it. I told her that I was too upset to work on it and that I do not work on artwork when I am upset - especially a tattoo that is going to be permanent. Now, I felt like poking her extra hard with my needles because I was upset, but I refused to work on that portrait on her. That's when she got upset that I wasn't going to finish it today, and all hell broke loose.
M W started accusing me of not loving her, 10 years of misery, that I don't like women (she's referring to the unsatisfied sex life), etc, etc, etc...............
She then threw the flowers at me and tore up the card I had just given her. She got right up in my face and starts throwing other objects, and that's when she hit me and kicked me. I let her, I am not going to get suckered into THAT scene with the police. SS was up having breakfast and watched the whole thing. I just took her beatings. Then she tells me to just move the hell out and pack my things. I tell her that it is MY HOUSE TOO, and I asked her how she was going to make the house payments if I move out?? I am NOT GOING ANYWHERE.......she's trying to put me in a bad spot, and I already think she knows how to do that - having divorced friends and all......
I am at an internet cafe typing this, but I will return home later on.
I am at my limit again, I don't see us getting any better and I think that we need to split up if we are going to have some kind of "CIVIL FRIENDSHIP" in the future regarding our duaghter.
Oh, one thing she pointed out, crying and yelling at me, is that she told me she will not leave me to make me suffer, and says that she can;t because she feels obligated to stay together for our daughter's sake.
C'mon on !!!!!! She wants to run me out of the house but she says she won't divorce me or she will kill herself??????????
I NEED SOME SERIOUS HELP HERE!!!!!!!!!!! But I am sure I want to go our separate ways for my own sanity.
Last edited by sol1696; 05/13/0704:55 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I just want to end this crap. I think it's best to separate, but she will fight me on that - she doesn't really want to.
One other time she hit me also when I was more aggressive with her. I am done trying to "communicate" this way.
I just told her about my feelings, and she doesn't take them into account, she's frustrated with me getting to the core issues of our R, but I feel I need to point out when she does things that offend me. She doesn't respect me at all, but is looking to superficial things to make her "happy" - she wants me to "buy her things" when she knows we don't have extra money yet.
I am not giving in to her baits..
I voice recorded most of this morning. That's why I woke up SS - to witness what is happening with her. I tried to leave rooms, but she followed me and told me to "get back into the living in room"......that's when I decided to just leave the house - but she wouldn't let me take our daughter out to the mall.....
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
FWIW - the desire for gold jewelry may have been something deeper than you think. I suspect to her, being given jewelry for a day like this means that she is VALUED. It's not about the jewelry itself, as in, she just has to have some gold jewelry. It's about what the jewelry SAYS - that she is loved and valued by someone.
It can be almost a status thing, too, between women. Their friends ask "what did you get?" and the woman with the nice tennis bracelet gets to show it off and feel like she has "proof" that she is loved.
Silly, isn't it? I'm a very frugal, practical person, and not really into jewelry (mine is all very inexpensive). BUT - I can remember being in my early 20's, and feeling envious of those girls whose boyfriends bought them jewelry for Valentine's Day, etc. To me, it said they were cherished by someone, and I felt like my boyfriend's failure to do so meant he didn't value me as much as those other girls' boyfriends valued them. (I said it was silly, right?)
So - I don't really know your sitch, but I'm thinking her rage came out of the pain of not feeling loved and valued.
I understand about the financial difficulties, but would it have been possible to buy her some inexpensive jewelry? Would she have been satisfied with some $40 trinket, or is she a quality-only girl? Surely $40 wouldn't have made that big a difference in your already-bad financial situation?
I agree with KML. One of the things that I am learning is when there is a confrontation or when my W gets upset it is because she is in pain and doesn't know how to express that to me in a constructive way. This one of the hardest things for me to remember when my W is getting mean with me.
One of the positives that I would take from your confrontation is that your W is saying that she doesn't want a D. You atleast have that rightnow. Now how do you go about building on this... That I do not know. My W is not even saying that to me rightnow. I believe that if I can ever get my W to commit to MC then we can atleast get to were you are at currently. We have been scheduled to start counseling with her counseler twice now and my wife cancelled both of them with me. Heck I was told that I was unethical for calling and leaving a message for her counsler informing her that the A is continueing.
Staying calm during your sitch this morning shows me your great strength. I commend you for that. Keep your chinup, you deserve to be treated better then this, you just need to figureout away to show your W in a nonconfrontational way that you will not allow her to treat you like this anymore.
Here is a little advice that I recently have gotten. Hopefully it can help you....
"As for what you need to do, start by realizing your own worth, and that you deserve better than a cheating wife who doesn't act like she wants to give you the time of day. Turn the tables on her. Take the attitude that she's going to have to earn her way back to you! You make a woman feel like she's suddenly missing out on something good and she'll whip a running saw mill to get to it."
To me it's more than her just wanting something better for this day, and I know she is tired of the flower giving, she's the only woman I know so far that will refuse flowers from her spouse. She threw them at me, and tore my card into pieces. She called me a POS, trash, you name it. I am sh*t to her......
Did I mention that she physically abused me??? She wants her cake, I know, but she wants to stay with me out of financial and moral obligations - not love. THAT much is CERTAIN.....
I am back on the fence, I am going to talk to a lawyer again next week and see if moving out for a few days will do me more harm than good from a legal perspective. I don't even know if I should file a police report about this morning's abuse. I don't want to throw her in jail, but I don't want to continue in this abusive R.
TOO MUCH ABUSE GOING ON.........FROM HER........
Last edited by sol1696; 05/13/0710:40 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
