From a woman's perspective...coming from a similar place...yes, I do believe she is sitting back and seeing who you become...so now is your time to really shine...this is your best insentive ever...
Sometime when you talk to her let her know really why you didn't make a promise...let her know it is your every intention that you stay sober but rehab and experiences from there reaffirm to you that this is really ONE DAY AT A TIME....I do believe my H will kick this...do I think for a moment that he will never slip again???...no...but I pray everyday that he keeps going and keeps getting stronger...and that is something that you and your W can do as well...
One thing that H learned in his rehab and maybe you have but I will share it incase you haven't...you don't get better as an alcoholic as time goes on...the monster in you grows...silently...and that monster is ONLY activated upon a drink...it is more uncontrollable when it gets fed then all the times before...my H found this out when he slipped...it was a quick and hard fall...the monster took over and down he went...so never think you are getting better...be aware that with each day you have this silent monster growing...waiting to be "fed"...
Now...that doesn't mean that it doesn't get easier with the passage of time NOT TO DRINK...H says it does...it is just that silent monster can't be woke up...or you will suffer that wrath...
Back to the promise...in time...your wife will understand why you didn't make that promise...if you had no intention of staying sober...you would be drinking...so a promise is not what is keeping you sober...it is your DESIRE...your WILL...
You are soooo very right that there is no "benefit" to snooping...part of you wants to know...but part of you doesn't...and most often it is best not to know when you think you want to know because when you know the pain and grief can be overwhelming...or if there is nothing...you beat yourself up with guilt...or worse you get caught...
You are doing great...one day at a time...you can do this...
