I hope this doesn't come across as trite, because I mean it sincerely. It sounds to me as if your dad is one of those elusive alpha males we are arguing about. Knows what he wants to do, knows what he has to do, and doesn't shirk from it.
Chrome ... who is still inspired
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
This thread is turning into " life according to my dad."
Chrome, as far as your comment, if my father were reading this board, he would see a bunch of men trying to do the right thing. And in his mind (and mine) this would make you all alpha males. In a way, I have tried to be like him, but I am a woman, and that makes it confusing. Made it hard for me to take a supporting role.
Thank you, everyone, for this opportunity for me to express random thoughts about my dad.
My mom and brother left for the hospital early this morning...I don't have an update yet on his condition. I hope he got some rest last nite.
What's popping into my head this morning a memory of when I was a little girl and I went with him to his office. His desk was a mess but he didn't like anyone touching it...he seemed to think he knew where everything was. I saw the paperweight I made for him which was in the shape of his first initial, G, but it looked more like a 6. I was trying to get a grip about his life here at work and what he did. J: Dad, what is it that you do? D: I help people with their problems. J: ( ever worried) What if there are no more problems? D: People will always have problems.
My father was the son of immigrants and grew up during the Depression. As a boy, he would accompany his father to work as a laborer in a millinery factory ( hat makers). He would recall the awful conditions there---the heat, the dust, the particles in the air---you couldn't breathe. And as you see, in his old age, my dad's vulnerable area is his lungs, and I wonder if it's related to this work as a youth. He was never a smoker except for the occasional cigar or pipe.
I think those early experiences of watching his father plug along, struggling through the Depression, and having faith from his immigrant family that the United States was a good land, instilled in my father a strong work ethic; serving in the army fostered a sense of patriotism as well. He was very excited to be drafted into the army during WW2 and go fight ("I must have been nuts" he'd say.) Fotunately for him, he scored high on some military test and got to study engineering before heading overseas. This delay probably saved his life.
His life was put on hold during the war, but it made for some incredible stories...maybe I will get to some of them eventually. He was in the South Pacific and Japan, and when he came home, he thought he would pursue engineering, but the market was overrun. Somehow, he became an accountant, but hated it---he found the work dull and would have problems with his supervisors, but it was better than any factory. I don't know exactly what the problems with the supervisors were---if he gets better I would like to ask him----I just got the sense he didn't respect them, for some reason. To change direction, he went to law school at night.
And here is the cool thing...in law, he found his passion. He LOVED his work. He loved meeting new people and having new problems to solve. He's had clients who lasted 50 yrs with him. And he'd get to bring home some neat stuff, like this rice paper stationery he gave to me from an Asian client, jeans from a manufacturer ( who incidentally, went bankrupt...he was too ahead of his time.) My father was fond of saying, " everything is rhythm and position," which I think meant something along the lines of being in the right place at the right time. Clearly, law was the right thing for him.
You know, my parents' marriage was very stormy, but one thing I have fond memories of is when my father used to come home from work, sit in the kitchen with my mother, and he'd share the latest problem to figure out at work. She loved his stories and was genuinely interested. I remember one day he came home with so much enthusiasm...there was a problem with a client that somehow involved engineering, and he was getting the chance to use some of his old knowledge. I have no idea what the details were, but I remember his passion, as it was the integration of his life's work.
It was very sad when his clients started to die off. He was part of their families. He was happy one day that he had found a 100th birthday card for an old client who was 99. Alas, she died before he could give her that card.
When I think of it, it really wasn't the problems of law that interested him, it was the people. With his compassion and sense of humor, he was very likeable. He is good with a quick joke. And still is. In Florida, his daily highlight is sitting with this group of old men around the pool. They sit in a circle. It's really amusing to watch from a distance. They share stories.
And thanks for this opportunity to share my story! xo.
My mother is also the child of immigrants-- from Czechoslovakia (actually just the Slovak part, now that they are two countries again). What country did your dad's family come from?
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Lil, My father's family is from German and Russian descent. They settled in an area that is on the border of present day Russia and Poland. The men tended to be strong silent types, and the women were feisty. Here's a story told about my father's father's mother:
One day her son ( my father's father) came home crying. Apparently the rabbi-teacher took his hand and slapped it with a ruler. So she storms off to school, goes up to the rabbi, and slaps him in the face, and says to him, " How does that feel?"
And in the following generation, my father had a real field day trying to keep things on an even keel between his mother and my mother, who did not see eye to eye. But my brother and I broke the pattern...I am the quieter one, and my brother is the noise maker.
No change in my father's condition...my brother is doing a great job holding the fort and watching over my mother as well, who is frail despite what she thinks ( she will be 90 in a few months.) He sent me a picture of my father via cell phone. He cancelled his work for the week, his own patients, and is there all day. He tells me the care my father's receiving is excellent. Unfortunately, he is out of it 90 percent of the time, and awakens in a disoriented and agitated state. They don't want to give medication for this out of concern of depressing the respirations, so my brother hired an evening attendant. I asked my brother if dad said anything to him, and he said he had one brief interaction with him... my dad said, " Get me my sneakers." My brother asked him why, and he said, " Because I am leaving."
We'll see what today brings...and for those reading this, thank you for the interest.
I was just thinking that change is always possible. My brother was the one to distract himself and escape, and I was the more responsible one. Yet somehow, he has stepped forward and I have stepped back. And the same thing is happening in my marriage...I'm taking more of a back role and my H is handling things more maturely. I have gotten a lot of ego needs met by being the one in control, and I had a tendency to look down on my brother and my H as being childish. How cool for everyone that we've made some shifts and are learning and growing.
Choc, if you are reading, please see that it is NEVER too late for change.
