I feel selfish because I want that kind of love in my life. It's about me, me, me.
Journey, you really must stop beating up on yourself... Of course, you want that kind of love in your life! I envy you because you have that-- I never did. It's not just about you, you, you... that kind of love is shared... you want to share it with your dad. If your own child were sad because you were ill, would you think that child was being selfish? And what does "selfish" mean in this context anyway? It means you want to be part of your dad's life.
Journey, I'm concerned that you are finding fault with yourself and your feelings at this difficult time. I want to see some compassion from you to you, kwim? If you want to go down to him-- then go! I can't imagine that you would regret it.
And don't feel guilty because you're relieved that your brother is bearing most of it at the moment. When I knew that my husband was going to die within the next couple of hours, the first thing I wanted to do was run! I didn't think I could bear it. But I did. We do. We have to. But you must be kinder to yourself!
