Jeff (from Divorce) asked me to check in on you. My H didn't cheat, but he was writing love letters to a co-worker (never sent) and hanging out with her all the time. He still doesn't know I know about the letters, but he knows I know about his feelings for her.
We have reconciled...H recommitted sometime last September. LW (letter woman) is still almost a daily thought for me. H has done everything and more to make me feel better, but that trust is not easily won back. I have to choose it daily, have to remember that he's really worked hard at our M in MC, but there are still days.
The only thing I can tell you is that no matter what, there are NO GUARANTEES. Your H may hurt you again, or he may not. If you move on with another man, there are STILL no guarantees. When we are vulnerable to loving someone, the risk is they will hurt us. So, you could hide and never take the risk, or you could try and it all may be wonderful.
What I DO know is that DBing saved ME as an individual. I make my own happiness, not H. I can only choose for me. I am a lot more conscious of my interactions with H and other people, and my priority is my M in a way it hadn't been before all of this. I know H could still pull away, but I also know that no matter what, I'll be okay.
My aunt's husband cheated on her and actually moved out for about a year while he had his affair. Now, this was probably 30 years ago...they have a great marriage now, but those doubts, those hurts, those feelings still occasionally surface for my aunt. She chooses love, she chooses to trust my uncle. And my uncle goes out of his way to make what he does transparent--he STILL calls if he's going to be even 5 minutes late.
My recommendation is to insist on MC and see what happens. If he's not willing to do the work, then I wouldn't put myself back in that position. The ONLY reason H and I are back together (aside from DBing) is because of MC.
In the meantime, read up on DBing, work on your PMA, GAL. And, FOR YOU, work on letting go of the anger and the hurt. Regardless of what you decide about your H, holding on to those feelings will only hurt you more.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
