Threatening breaking of jaws thats just macho bs, but it sounds good on the internet.
That's me, purveyor of fine internet macho bs.
I guess I should just stop while I'm behind and let the real alpha males "duke it out."
Chrome ... who can't sleep because of a stomach virus and bad reactions to medicine on top of everything else (which includes an IV tip left in his wrist).
p.s. Best of luck to you Choco. You've had a tough ride so far and I commend you for sticking out as long as you have. Keep the faith.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
My father used to say to me, "there's never been a horse that couldn't be rode, nor a rider that couldn't be throw'd"
Like I said, no one knows everyone's complete background here.
I spent almost 12 years being taught how to kill people. No lame or maim, dead. My mention of broken jaw is for ME. That is my release so that I don't do something worse. The simple fact is that I am dangerous, and if I have a pre-planned limit on my reaction, then I hopefully won't do something stupid in the heat of the moment which will likely NEVER HAPPEN ANYWAY, still, I have a plan.
I don't claim that there is no one more dangerous than me. That would be foolish. I am 51 years old now. Regardless, If I can touch you, I can put you on the ground. No brag, just fact.
The reason the whole thing has been brought up here is in an effort to help someone else "self-limit" their reaction to a bad situation. There are lots of us out in the world that couldn't "just walk it off". Better to have a plan to minimize than to let your "emotion of the minute" get away with you. A secondary benefit is for the less action oriented male (or female for that matter). While they may never do more than stand up under the devastation of the blow of betrayal (no small feat), at least their confidence is bolstered, and rightly so.
Macho may irritate you, but macho, bravado and good training applied with intelligence is a large part of what keeps my nation free. I am grateful for it.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
There are some advantages to acting super alpha, super macho, super threatening. One is that the best defense is a strong offense. Nuclear deterrence ala mutually assured destruction. It works with the right people. MrsNop is a peacemaker, one who wants to reconcile two warring factions, so threats like the ones Nop makes are actually comforting to her. The line is so clear, so strong, so deep, there is no worry she will ever have to face a hard choice. It can also serve as proof to a woman of how much her man loves her.
This kind of strutting, blustering, intimidating is all a bonding ritual, IMO. The woman’s role is to also rush to the aid of the H, as you see MrsNop do instantly whenever someone attacks Nop. I’ve mentioned before the geese do the exact same thing. That take it even further in that the female will instigate an even with another male by badgering him. Her mate will then rush to attack that male and defend the female. That reinforces the bond. It seems to work for geese.
In people, I see this type of interaction as rooted in fear and insecurity. It is a need to continually show boundaries out of fear those boundaries might get breached. Nop’s statement that he would break the other man’s jaw just for his own satisfaction, and then throw out the marriage anyway, has little to do with building a healthy relationship and more to do with deterrence.
I see it as nothing more than intimidation and therefore control. Like I said, it works for geese, and apparently some people. I don’t think it would work for many others. The reason for that is the intimidation is meant to prevent the woman from having to face a choice. I see it in the same spirit though a less sever form of the control practiced by the Taliban. Here are the rules… follow them and the safety and security of the woman is assured, even revered. Step out of line and swift, sever punishment is sure to follow for all who were associated with the “crime.” Now tell me whether that sounds like a healthy marriage or just another form of control?
Now tell me whether that sounds like a healthy marriage or just another form of control?
Ah, the line between being in-control and controlling. The line between being assertive and domineering. Alpha males are supposed to be always in-control. So if my scenario of saying I will do everything I can to remove an OM from the situation (including breaking a jaw if necessary and warranted) then dealing with the A is controlling, how can I "lessen" it to be "in-control?" Maybe it is the saying that you and Martelo are finding objectionable?
Sorry if I'm being glib, but this is a discussion that I worry that what I say may end up being counterproductive. My C has repeatedly told me that there are certain things that are ok to think and act upon, but you should never say, as the saying creates thought processes that destroy the intended outcome. There are certain things that are best done on a feeling/emotional level rather than a thinking/logical level. This alpha male stuff probably falls into that category. If you try to apply to much logic to it, it fails.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I do think it depends in part on the other person. Those destructive thoughts that can arise in one person may not arise in another. So I think intimidation can work at times, and backfire at other times. I think this where you need to pull your wife into the mix. If you want to know how she would respond, then ask her.
Stop trying to guess what is best for her, for in trying to do too much for her, even though it is out of your true concern for her, you end up controlling her, you detract from her ability to carve out her own growth, and set yourself up for disappointment if she does not return the same concern for you, or at least in the way you would like to see it.
IMO, there is no “right” answer to your question. You don’t have to guess what is the right thing to say to your W, you can ask her what she would like you to say. Getting her input is half of the bonding process. I still think you need to DRAG her into counseling. Just you going alone is working on this marriage with one hand tied behind your back. If you can get her there, and talk about these kinds of things, you might find out she would love for you to be super macho…. or not.
Cobra, why do you continue to make wild guess at my motivations, and now, include my wife?
It just isn't that simple.
I will throw you another piece of the puzzle. You can't begin to guess my FOO issues, simply because they existed for only a few - numbered less than 10,000. I'm not special, but I am nothing at all like you or like you imagine. MrsNOP's issues with me deal with a set of circumstances completely alien to you.
I don't care what you say or do here, it is an open forum after all. I have no desire whatsoever to debate you. Your pronouncements of having figured us out are misplaced however, and rooted only in your imagination.
Quote:"Now tell me whether that sounds like a healthy marriage or just another form of control?"
Have a look at your own relationship before you condemn mine. Mine is not in trouble. I don't treat my wife without respect. I am not stuck in my family of origin issues. You might also want to have a look at why my presence here is such an irritant to you.
I just don't bother to read most of your posts. I suggest that the same is a good tactic for you.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
You don't have to guess what is the right thing to say to your W, you can ask her what she would like you to say.
Do you really think asking my W what she would want me to say or do is attractive, assertive behavior? Maybe I'm missing the whole point here, but that seems to fly in the face of everything else I've heard about it, and seems to be contradictory to how you have been handling your own M.
Quote:
If you can get her there, and talk about these kinds of things, you might find out she would love for you to be super macho ... or not.
I don't want to be super-macho. That's not who I am nor who I ever could be even if I wanted to. I just want to stop being un-attractive to my W and start being attractive, or at least tip the balance more toward the attractive side. I know my W isn't into the super-macho men. She isn't into WCW or UFC guys. But she does love Sean Connery and Patrick Stewart. She also, like many other women I have talked to loves the "House" main character, who is quite a jerk most of the time. Why is that?
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Lillieperl wrote: "NOP, I thought you and I were exactly the same age."
Looking at your picture, I thought you were several years younger than me.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
