In my case, I saw that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep up with work, and if I kept on this way, I would lose job after job until I became unemployable.
That's not really him. He is very employable and in fact now runs his own business - of course this means doing even more work. In his past job (which he stayed in for 10 years - even though he hated it) he just took on more and more of what everyone else was supposed to be doing - which is why he hated it. I told him so many times that people won't pick up the rope til you drop it but his over-arching sense of duty wouldn't let him do that. He really couldn't stand his colleagues and bosses in particular but kept at it because of a sense of duty to the clients.
When he finally did get going on his own he took most of those clients with him. He has an almost super-human capacity to keep working, but I do often wonder if he'd get more done and more useful stuff done if a) he didn't have to break of every 10 mins to go and smoke and b) he left things alone so others would step in. Especially the more menial stuff. He just doesn't trust anybody to do as good a job as he does. He now has an employee and is also working in partnership with another small start-up so he does have others around who can do stuff.
In his worst moments he will yell stuff at me like "all that matters to you is that I keep bringing in more and more money" which is so far from the truth it's almost laughable. I have never been a material girl. I go clothes shopping twice a year (spring & autumn). The house has the same half-assed kitchen in it that it had when we moved in (I don't actually care - it does the job). Lou (DIY) always feels like BB is putting pressure on him to buy new and better stuff - well that's not me. I'm a make do and mend type of person. The fact is that if he would stop working so hard the whole time I might actually have a H I could relate to rather than a money-making machine. I didn't want to marry a money-making machine and the truth is it is him who has turned himself into this shell of a human being that I feel no connection with. I guess that's why he gets the feeling I don't care :-(
I am really pleased for you Eddie that you are turning things around and your W sounds like a great lady.
The more likely diagnosis for my H might be OCD I guess. But then I get down when I do that because my mum spent her entire M diagnosing my dad. Now she is gone it is pretty clear to all that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him - he is a fine robust human being with a great sense of humour and a generous heart. She on the other hand.... my head hurts - sometimes I feel like I am living like Alice through the Looking Glass.
Sorry for my ramblings.
Fran
Last edited by haphazard; 05/12/0707:40 AM.
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
