Sashaying thru Seperation II

[mcojh]

I am in a real funk tonight and maybe ranting will help. I am reasonably sure that the FOM is at the co-workers house with her tonight. The more I think about it, that really ticks me off that her co-worker condones/assists her in having an A. At this moment, I am ready to throw in the towel. I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world lately. I am trying my best to keep a PMA, but I am failing. I have so many people supporting me here as well as other places, and they all know I am in the right and doing the right thing.

I ran into my W's cousin this afternoon. She is the one that allegedly blamed me for the eating disorder continuing and not doing anything to stop it. It appears that I was not given the whole story when I was told about the conversation and the cousin has been very frank with my W and very clear that she is doing the wrong thing and she needs to save her marriage.

She hugged me and told me how great it is that I am being so strong through all of this. She told me to keep praying and doing my best.

She is close to S15 as he babysits for her. She called me tonight to say that she saw him in the lobby of the Y and tried to talk to him and he couldn't look her in the eye and started to cry when she hugged him.

Right now I hate my wife's actions and how she is destroying our family. I fear that out of her pride and out of her stubbornness, she will never wake up. I don't NEED her to wake up, but I want her to wake up.

I mentioned to my wife early today that we should do something tomorrow (Sat) night. I do not plan to bring it up agian. If she does, I will consider doing something. She also suggested that we do something as a family on Sunday for Mothers Day. This really seems odd to me. Why would she want to be with me???? I am not the right person for her and yet she wants to spend another Sunday with me.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like everything is so out of wack. I feel like just when I get a handle on things, I spiral out of control. I don't know where or which way to turn. Her actions don't match her words. Her words don't match her actions. Her actions are so hurtful, her words are so hurtful, she is not the person I married. She told her cousin that she wished that she wasn't a Christian, so she wouldn't feel so guilty....