"W, I know you are a beautiful woman, and you are loving the attention you are getting at the gym from the younger guys. Just don't cross the line or the penalty is a broken jaw for him."
Uh, gross. Really a huge turn off. Violent macho BS does not an alpha male make.
My xH was a lot like you are now, though we NEVER went three years without sex. Ever.
Recently, I saw my xH at a school function for our youngest son. Just by chance, we met in the hallway. It was only the two of us. He came out the gym, smiling. Don't know what he was smiling AT, but, I can tell you... his demeanor hit met like a ton of bricks.
He was smiling, like I said, he was relaxed, there was no tension in him, or his shoulders, he looked... happy. He SO CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD, I paused. We exchanged a few nothing sentences, and then my son came out... he went off with our son, I went home.
The sitch stood out so singularly in my mind, I actually emailed my xH, unpromted... and told him how wonderful it was, for the first time in 12 or more years, to actually see him some way other than annoyed or stressed or pissed off. I told him that whatever he had done to finally find that look of peace and happiness, to keep doing it, for I had not seen it in the very longest of times. I told him it looked good on him, and that was the man I had remembered from so long ago.
So. Keep going as you are, and hopefully, sometime in the future, you will get an email, exactly like mine, from your ex-wife.
I told MrsNOP once that if she ever decided to fool around on me, that she was choosing to have the other man's jaw broken.
If that is too macho for you, then I'm sorry, but, it is a matter of fact, and I would be good to my word, and MrsNOP knows it.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I remember a long time ago BF really pushed me one evening, telling me my W was ripe for an A, and what would I do if I found out about one. I told him I would probably just be very sad, but would understand and forgive. I now see how repellent such a response would be. Like it or not, logical or not, she would read that as "you don't think I'm worth defending or fighting for." Now in my heart I know that if I found out about an A, I would do everything it took, EVERYTHING, to drive OM away permanently. Then we would deal with the A.
Chrome
p.s. Granted, not every person is made the same, as there are no silver bullets. I'm sure there are many women like OT out there that do not respond well to "violent macho BS." I guess that's why we have both brains and hearts.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Now in my heart I know that if I found out about an A, I would do everything it took, EVERYTHING, to drive OM away permanently. Then we would deal with the A. ------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a slightly different take on it. I would break his jaw (and probably spend a night or two in jail, but hey, it would be worth it), and do everything I could to put her out of the house since she was half the action.
I am afraid that my affair contingency plans and those of DB and MB are bit different
Be good, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I hate to be a wet rag, my man. But... if you are actually going to go the route of breaking someone's jaw, and then throwing the Mrs. out of the house, you may as well save your time in jail.
Personally.. in every imagined scenario, and those that are/have been real... when confronted with an A... I have not, nor have I ever, looked to the OTHER person as the one on whom to take out my agression. No one is ever 'whooed.' No one is ever duped. No one is EVER taken advantage of... unless you are so sloppy drunk or under the influence of drugs... but WHY were you at that point to begin with?
So... if you need to break a jaw.... okay. But HE, whomever that MIGHT BE... was not, and IS NOT, the problem. They are not innocent, by any means... but they are NOT the problem. Better you go to a gym and beat yourself up. And THEN throw the Mrs. out.
That's the hard part. If you are going to break someone's jaw, and then stay in the M and fight for what is yours... fine. To break a jaw and leave... to me... is wasted effort. Break your own jaw, for pulling the Choco move. Don't waste your time in jail over a done M. Not worth it.
When I left my M... I was confronted with all kinds of things. Most especially a pissed off H. All I saw was anger. That's it. Nothing else. Pure, pissed off, how-dare-I pissed offness.
I dare a lot. Never doubt it.
I'm In Your Face, I DARE YOU. Top me. Mother fcker. TOP me. But do it in that intelligent, take-no-prisoners way you live the REST of your life... don't pull that pissy, intimidation, I don't respect your lioness that got my lion kind of way. Fck that. Who the he!! do you think you married? You picked me for a reason.
So. If Mrs. NOP EVER hauls tail out and finds herself another man... you've fallen, and you haven't listened... and don't get pissed at the OTHER guy. Get your OWN ass in gear, hear? She's a lioness worth having... and if you aren't the lion to keep her, don't be going and blaming the OTHER lions for coming in.
Now. That doesn't let Mrs. NOP off the hook (potentially). Not saying it does. But. Mrs. NOP would never go and look, EVER... with a lion like you... unless you were no longer a lion.
I had tried... but I think it was a little too little, a little too late.
And what's more... I began asking for things in return. Everything just imploded.
Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. Not looking back. But knowing everything that had gone before, all the years we spent working, all the years in counseling... there are times when putting something to rest is the kindest thing that two people can do for one another.
He's happy.
And more than anything... I want my kids to see happiness. We sure as HE!! couldn't do it together.
I hear what you are saying Corri, but I would still break his jaw, because of what she did.
Consequences of the choice she made. He would just be guilty of being stupid with the wrong woman.
That obviously doesn't make sense to you, and I can understand that. There is a side to most of us here that others are unaware of.
His broken jaw would ensure no further physical damage.
As for rebuilding a marriage after an affair, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't even try. I don't mind helping others though.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
