I've got a question which I cannot seem to find an answer to. I'm hoping someone here can help.
My situation: Me:38 Homemaker/former elem. teacher H:39 Successful Physician Together 20 years, married 17 of them D13 S8 D4
Husband announced 3 days before Christmas (on 17th anniv.) he no longer loved me and was thinking of leaving. Denied an affair. Was a lie. Having an affair with 21 yr. old. I tried all of the things DB says not to do to save the marriage, and of course it all drove him further away. Moved out Feb. 16. Still seemed conflicted. Did not spend much time with the kids, but also did not mention divorce for the next 8 or 9 weeks, still brought me his paychecks to deposit, still did home maintenance for me when he would come to see the kids, still did things together occasionally as a family.
I found the Div.Remedy book and have been using the DB techniques ever since.
Says the girl is not living with him full-time, but am not sure. Took her on a 4 day weekend trip in mid-April and missed out on several important kid activities that weekend. My MIL was terrified that the girl would use this weekend to pressure him.
Sure enough, found out from a mutual friend that he saw a lawyer the next week and filled out paperwork. Told me that weekend we needed to "talk" about how things were going to play out. Told him I was willing to be very patient, that I did not want a D, that I did not believe in D, was very calm about it. H said it didn't matter, he'd seen a lawyer and things would "move forward" whether I wanted it or not. Spoke again a few days later, with him talking about how to separate the finances, etc. I realized he is very naive about how this will go, but didn't give him any info. on things I KNOW he is incorrect about. (For instance, he wants to use the "no fault" divorce, though he is having an affair!, and thinks the jewelry he's given me over the years will be included in our marital assets---HA!)
H has NOT told me that he filed, just that it would "go forward." But my lawyer called the county clerk's office, so I know his lawyer DID file the papers.
Here's my question: I know, though I can't say how, that there is a section in the papers that say, "It is not necessary to serve Respondent at this time." What does that mean?
We live in Texas, and I have tried to google some results for this, but haven't gotten much concrete info.
Does this mean that they will at first leave it up to him to try to give them to me? Does it mean that the courts will try to notify me first by letter? Is it even an option that he will just "sit" on it until he decides he really wants to move forward? I know that I will have a certain amount of time to respond once I am notified that a D has been filed, but if I'm not to be served, how will I be notified? I am so confused!
Also, does anyone know how long a divorce filing can be "sat on" in Texas until it....runs out? If I'm not notified somehow, will it be dismissed due to inactivity? Is that even an option?
Any help would be much appreciated!
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
My cousin just went thru a nasty divorce. She filed a little over a year ago and from what she told me they have to be served so someone will serve you.
How long to prolong it--it depends and the only way she told me was to say you do not agree on his terms and it will go back and forth between mediators.
There was a final hearing a few weeks ago and she was not there. The judge signed the divorce papers in her absence. I don't know if she can contest that but since she is the one who filed and the one who really does not want the divorce, I am not sure.
Texas is a community property state so I would assume there will be the going back and forth of property, etc.
Oh, her husband, due to his adultery, had to fill out paper work which listed what he bought OW, how much it was, if they went on trips, etc.
P.S. This was in Texas as well.
Last edited by steelersfan; 05/11/0705:45 PM.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
But I would still love to have an answer to my question about being notified of the filing. Does anyone have an idea?
I don't want to be naively optimistic, or get hopeful only to get kicked in the stomach again, but I'm just so confused about why it says "It is not necessary for Respondent to be served at this time."
Again, could this be because he's just sitting on it for a while to make sure this is what he really wants? Or is it just that I don't need to be served by a constable or sherriff yet because the court is going to send a certified letter?
If not here, does anyone have an idea about where I could get an answer to this without having to pay big bucks to my lawyer? LOL!
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
My cousin's husband was not notified in advance of the filing. He was served with divorce papers. Again this was in Texas.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
In Texas you must be served, either by your spouse (if he has the guts) or by someone else (a deputy, etc...).
You will have to be served before the first court date...at which point it would be best if you had a lawyer...after that, you can negotiate with you H and honestly, I would not go for a "no-fault" D. I say name her as co-respondent and pull all that crap in...it will take longer and of course will really tick him off...you can drag it out, however, consider the cost. My H has a friend who has been getting a D since March of 2005 and he is STILL not divorced---yet the friend has moved his gf in, had a baby recently with her and whole bunch of other crap.
Go figure...you CAN drag this out...hire a very good lawyer. I'll pray that he comes out of the fog first and sees the OW for what she is...a blood sucker.
Vali
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Can you name OW as a co-respondant regardless of the state you are in?
My cousin's H just before the D was final, put his GF on the auto policy and had his wife and kids removed from the policy.
His son found out about it and was irked. He called his dad and said he was in an accident, his fault, and caused over $7,000 worth of damage to other car. His dad panicked and called the ins. company because he took the kids off and then he called his son back and his son said it was a joke to get his attention for what he did in cancelling them and adding her.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
SF, I believe you can name another party as corespondent...most people do not do this anymore b/c it drags everything out...but he will have to pay his wife back for all the money he spent on the OW....and her jewelry are considered "gifts" and are many times not counted in the settlement. What a dweeb to think he can do that...they'll try anything when they're in MLC!!!!
Hang in there sweets, there ARE things you can do...however, SF is right you do not have to be notified of the filing...but you will have to be served before the first court date. However, be careful of this as he can serve you very close to the court date...where you have to pick a L very quickly thus you may hire a L that is not so good. Don't fall into that trap.
Hire a lawyer that you are comfortable with and that you like and who you feel will do a good job for you...
I know this sucks, but if he has already filed it, the ball has been set in motion. You have to protect you and your children.
Remember, sometimes the MLCer HAS to get a D...that does not mean that he won't have regret or try to come back after the fact. Many of them do, only to find that the LBS has moved on.
Hugs to you sweets! Vali
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
You said you had an attorney. Stick with that attorney (if appropriate) and don't depend on us. Since your H is a successful physician, there is too much at stake to depend on websites and casual posters. Make a list of questions and then call your attorney and ask. Because if you depend on us and the websites, you will not have peace of mind.
