Yes, my husband came back. And we were in divorce.
But I was fully prepared for my marriage ending. He hated me and would say and do terrible things to hurt me. I eventually detached, got my own life, found my own happiness. Realized I needed to make myself happy and not be so dependent on another person to do it for me. It took a lot of time for my husband's anger to melt, the affair to die, us to become friends again. It was a long, slow road. If your husband wants to leave you and divorce you there is probably nothing you can do to stop it. All you can do is focus on yourself and kids. That's it.
Does OW's husband know about the affair? Have you ever talked with her husband? I'm not saying you should do that. You might have to deal with some extremely angry people if you do (I did!!! I thought my husband was going to kill me. Seriously!!!!). Honestly, in my own situation I believe it was a big factor in killing the affair, and unfortunately that's something I still struggle with. Feeling like the default, or "second-choise." Nothing in this is easy. Even when you do get back together there can still be struggles and mental challenges to work through.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
