After re-reading I am thinking that you first need to identify whether you are staying in this M. Maybe it doesn't matter what she does. Just make sure if you go the route of "let her do what she wants" you are ready for the consequences. You sound really worn out more so than really done with the marriage but it is for you to decide. You have to decide whether you are "in" or "out" before you throw down the gauntlet. However, Bf's line of "this marriage is failing" is a good way to approach the conversation if you are willing to put in the work. I KNOW you are hurting too. I read some book once that asked the question of whether you are willing to be the "hero" in your marriage. It is a good question. Best of luck.
