And what's really frustrating is when these people keep bothering you and you just want them to go away... and if you were thinking straight, you'd know they weren't doing anything wrong and they love you and you are hurting them and rejecting them and, if you ever come to your senses, you'll miss them while they're hiding within their walls from you!
But while I'm in that state, not only can they not help me, I'm so confused that I think they need to be pushed away, that they're annoying and silly and not worth spending time with, that life would be peachy if only I didn't have to deal with those morons. Jesus, how did I manage to get from being afraid to disappoint and bother them to thinking that they are disappointing and bothering me? Why are we so eager to beat ourselves up and still so afraid to really face our actual problems and shortcomings? And why am I switching pronouns with such wild abandon?
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
