God I feel like a fool talking about all this stuff. But at least none of y'all really know me... I hope.

Have you ever had someone ask you to play a game, and you were very reluctant to because you "felt silly"? i.e., you couldn't get into the right mindset for it. Too serious, too self conscious, or just too... something? Anyway, that's the problem sometimes when I can't seem to want to play everyone's favorite contact sport. Nothing to do with whore/madonna... I don't know why, but I've always had the firm conviction that love and sex and friendship and caring really should go together... just an extreme reluctance to "put myself out there" or to really connect with her on that level. Maybe if I was more of a "player" I could go through with it even in the face of these problems, or maybe I wouldn't have these problems in the first place since that alpha confidence wouldn't allow any such hangups.

Last night she actually knew how to get me out of my shell. She encouraged me to go for a drive, asked me to put gas in her car (turning it from a favor to me into a favor to her), then talked to me and kept me interested without putting me on the spot somehow. Finally, I was mostly over it and ready to play. I'm not sure what it was that did it, and I know I can't count on her to do that every time (especially if it gets to be an everyday thing again), but I do feel better for now. I think she's happier with herself than before, or maybe she just has a lot more fuel in her love tank from the good times the last couple of months. Who knows?

Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 05/11/07 04:03 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.