Thanks everyone..... My wife rightnow considers us seperated and she owes me nothing and same from me to her. She stated that she wants no connection to me accept for the girls. She won't share any part of her life with me ever. If it is not about our two DD then she will not be speaking to me. Hopefully I can start to chip away at her rough facade that she has put up. I did ask her the other day if we can stop acting like children when we speak on the phone. I pointed out that we have a competition with each other in regards to who can end the conversation first. She smirked and acknowledged that this was going on. Hopefully she will soften a little bit towards me, but I do not see that happening anytime soon.
I think tonight might be a family night, or it has the potential for all four of us to be around acting like a family. We will see what happens. My wife will most likely make-up a reason to not be in the house with me, which sucks for my daughters. They deserve their Mommy and Daddy together working as a team raising them. Somethings are just out of my control.......
She feels that I hae suppressed her over the years and the afair just brought those feelings to the forfront in her mind. She is discovering who she is and there is no room for me. I am in her mind a good guy, a good provider, but I have no depth to me and I cannot breath life into her. So she is done. She does not say that she cannot love me again, she is saying that she won't.
I have heard this someplace before... hmmm.. oh yes - coming out of my H mouth! Not in those exact words but just about! She feels this apathy towards you because of the fog of infatuation that she is in with the om. If she is no longer seeing him or is being told to break it off, she is probably feeling more strongly against you. Please try not to take it too personally and understand that those words do not necessarily mean this is the end.
In the meantime, good for you for doing some stuff for just you!
Maybe that is why she is in such a panic state is that her seceret affair was outed by me and the people that love her the most know more about the truth.
The one thing that worries me is that my wife seems to have put a timeframe on this transition. She basically wants to move 40 minutes away so that our 5D can start kindergarten in that school district instead ours. Her plan is to move towards her sister and start going to her sisters church - begin a new life. The only thing that she doesn't mention in her plan is the OM, by the way his new apartment is that direction.
Her stance is that she is not leaving me for another man, she is leaving me because of all the other stated reasons. It really sucks to hear your W tell you that I have nothing to offer her....I am some shallow lifeless person with nothing to give to her. I know... do not listen to anything that she says. I just need to slowdown her breakneck speed for a D.
The more people that tell them how wrong the are, the more THEY want to prove how right they are..
I don't want to downplay the effects of your W's words on you but my H has also said that if we D, it's not to leave our M for OW. And, guess what? I, too, have these "personality flaws" that have become unbearable to live with. Do we need to change? Yes, we do! Are we these horrible unloving creatures? No!
If her timeframe is fall, you have the whole summer to work on your goals
My H said many similar things too. He no longer loved me, he wasn't happy for months (then changed to years), I was to controling, why should he stay if he were unhappy. His OW was not out in the open yet - so my changes he saw take place he knew were real changes b/c I did not know of OW yet.
Think about what she says her 'real' issues are with you - are there things you can change, then do it! Do the changes for you! GAL and detach from her. She may change her mind - my H did - it does happen!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Tonight while emailing a few people my wife questioned me about what it is that I was doing on the computer. So I told her about the message board and that I am in contact with another DB'er that was actually in my W shoes a year or so ago. She did ask to read the emails. I wasn't actually dead set againest this, but I did not let her read them. She eventually appoligized and told me since there is no "us" then she had no right to question me.
I really have to learn how to control my facial expressions. My W can read me like a book. Everytime she says something that I feel is a cop out/excuse for were we are at today I get a grin on my face.. this does not help things any, but, I cannot help it.
I have another problem in that I am to honest. Seriously, ask me anything... Well my W asked if I have gone to see a lawyer and with me being the honest dude that I am I told her that yes I have seen a lawyer for information purposes only. I also told her that I would not file for a D and that I did not believe in them. I do not know if this gave her more to noodle on or not we will see.
These last 3 days I have talked to my wife more then I have in the last month... Maybe a babystep maybe not.... She still seems very much like she is planning on leaving me but she will not take our girls out of my life. She tells me that I need to compartmentalize the girls and our M. The M is over and we are still parents this won't end.
I read on another thread that you have to earn the right to quit. I do not feel that she has earned that right yet. She admitted tonight that she has been having these feelings for years and that she danced around them and never addressed them with me. My fault is that when I sensed this I kept my mouth shut, I cannot totally blame her for that. But I do not feel like she has earned the right to quit. She did say tonight that though she feels like she should hate me, she doesn't... Is that a good or a bad statement?
I should mention that I am buying a new car. Does that count for GAL?
After reading your last post, I can sense that you have more of a chance than you realize. By this, I mean that there is still room for REAL POSITIVE CHANGE.....
Don't dwell or focus on the R, and you are right in saying the M is dead. It's time to work at building a NEW M, and that begins with REAL CHANGE.
Did I mention that real change is needed??? Do that, and the dynamics of the R will also change.
Also, the talks your W is having is a very good thing. But just take them with a grain of salt too, and don't read into anything. If you can come out a better person, you are ahead of the game.
Take care.
Last edited by sol1696; 05/12/0712:54 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Dang nabit I just lost a lengthy post.... I guess I wasn't supposed to tell the world....
Having a rough time today. My W is working all weekend and I have our girls. Having our girls is good, just my oldest is at a friends house and my youngest is upstairs sleeping. I am basically home alone rightnow.
Today I went to our PC and my W was still logged into it, so I couldn't help myself I had to look at her internet history. Well I findout that not only is she looking for apartments, she is looking at divorce websites too. So I spent the next 45 minutes reading what she has been reading. I know what she knows. Ok she is not herself so who knows what she knows and is thinking rightnow.
I left this information out of my previous post from my conversation with my wife last night. I just have to let all you know how ridiculous my W currently is. She knows from her parents that I go to a MB board for support and to vent. I wish they could keep quiet but I have learned to nolonger confide in them. So when she asked me last night who everyone is I pointed at the PC and she then told me "That you don't need that type of advice you are better then them". Now miss high and mighty doesn't currently feel I am good enough for her, but, I am better then everyone else in the world. WTH.... I know that I cannot listen to her rightnow but I had to laugh at this.
I also might have goofed up again last night. My W told me that she tought that I was lying to her and that I was untrustworthy. I laughed and really couldn't help myself from laughing.... Eventually I was able to answer her question as to why I was laughing. My answer was pretty straight forward.. I find it funny that you feel that I am untrustworthy and lying.
Now that I think about it my W was full of ridiculous comments last night.
