I am recently divorced (3-8-07) and just found Michelle's book--a little late, but better late than never. My H called me the day before our divorce was to be final and wanted me to postpone it so we could talk. I didn't, but now I wish I did. I was still angry--he had a PA--totally took me by surprise as he is the last person in the world I would have ever thought would do that. We just celebrated our 16th anniversary in Sept. and had a wonderful time. Then, in October, he started going out with the guys from work (23-30 yr olds--he's 40) and not coming home. This went on for 3 months. I was angry and we basically stopped communicating and I told him he needed to move out if he was going to keep doing that as it was very upsetting to our son who is 15. He left on 1-14-06 after I confronted him wondering if there was someone else. It is a co-worker and someone who went out with them sometimes. Anyway, since the D was final, he has broken up with OW, started counseling, and we're still living apart. Throughout this whole time, I have never begged, pleaded, cried, etc. for him to come back or reconsider. According to DB, I actually did something right! I have too much pride to beg for anything.
My problem now is that I'm having difficulty trusting his decision and think that he is going to change his mind. Just last weekend he gave me a kiss before he left and said he missed me and I told him I missed him too, and I was acting positive and happy, because I was--but then I don't hear from him for two days. Is this normal? Am I expecting too much? I can't help but think about when we were dating and how we always wanted to be together, left little notes for each other, called each other, etc. It's like my heart wants to feel that way again, but I don't get anything like that from him. I see him once a week--maybe twice at the most and he comes to the house to mow the lawn or to do something with our son. He stays for about 3 hours, sometimes less. He hasn't asked me to go out with him or to do anything with him. I'm driving myself crazy thinking about this and need someone else's objective perspective who has been through this. Is there hope here or am I just setting myself up again for more pain. I don't even want to think about going back to the pain I was in right after the D was final.
