If you ever read my post about how I discovered the emails, I was in the shower, anticipating our Date Night, which he never seemed to get too excited about (not spontaneous enough) and I was drinking wine and literally thinking, "Wash the Mom away." I was consciously aware of this as an issue and his recent comments about our R and SL were making me think I need to step it up. I was TRYING to! Still didn't matter . . . grrr!
Oh, and the day BEFORE that, I gave him a partial hand job as we were driving long distance (kids asleep in the back). I didn't bring it to fruition, but it's not like I don't EVER do things. I am really making an effort.
Ok, so I sent him an email reiterating that I am looking forward to him coming home and I want to do him! I gently said for him to be careful not to say anything that would indicate I am not enough for him, that it only increases my inhibitions. I know I maybe should have just let it go, but I need to let him know how I feel and how he can HELP. I will let you know what kind of reply I get. I really appreciate everyone's advice.
He says: Sorry for not replying. I have been busy today getting the newsletter out. I look forward to seeing you tonight. You are more than enough for me The movie sounds good. See you a little late tonight. Dinner is up to you...whatever you think. Do you want me to pick something up? ~~~~~~~~~ Ok, let the mind blowing begin! Keep your fingers crossed for me!!
I don't know how much SSM will do for you. I skimmed it when I was DBing post-bomb, and it seemed more for couples who were NOT having sex with any regularity -- meaning maybe a few times a year or less. There are a LOT of Ms like that.
But, you seem to have a pretty active, regular SL.
PM (Passionate Marriage) might be good though... Also, the Good Vibrations Guide and the Dirty Girl's Guide to sex are great.
BTW, email might be a GREAT way to talk about some of those hard to talk about things. Face to face might be better, but some communication is better than none!
Back from a weekend out of town and just wanted to say hi and thanks for the advice. There was some weird distance this weekend. Not sure why. I know on the drive home, he got "reminded" of the past via certain towns we pass, etc. He does this every time we drive to and from our hometown. So it was a long 3 hour ride with him being very stiff and saying he did not want to talk.
On Thursday night, before we left town, I did try and "rock his world," but it was kind of so-so. I did initiate watching a porn movie (we have several on tape), which was kind of on in the background (volume down). We didn't sit and watch it together. I did oral a lot longer than I usually do and used lots of lube and tried to be varied with my hands. (taking advice from Lou Paget's book). He is on anti-depressant meds, so has a lot more staying power than he does normally. He stopped me and said he wanted to be inside me. We had good sex, then he came and said it was a good one. He said thank you afterwards. (to which I said, You don't have to thank me, I enjoyed it too.) I also initiated us taking a shower together the next day before we left town. He seemed surprised, (which surprised me), but he liked that also. The first day we were home, he said something about it, how he liked it.
We went to a Tool concert Friday night. It was fun. There was no drama with our friends Missy and Joe, except that the next day Joey said he thought she was being bitchy. I said I didn't notice.
For Mother's Day, he had already bought cards for me and his mother, both from him and the kids, (4 total). I thought that was nice. We picked out a bird feeder together for his mom while we there. I just got the card. He had not even planned to take me out to dinner, which kind of pisses me off. We talked Sat morning about how we wanted to spend the next two days. He said he had some shopping he wanted to do in Wichita, and I said, "Why don't we do that Sunday instead of today, since it's Mother's Day, and we can go out to eat?" He said ok. Where do you want to go? I said I'd like for you to pick. He didn't know. Makes me mad that he didn't plan ANYthing, other than a card, didn't even intend to eat out with me. This was a huge deal my first Mother's Day and when I let him know about it, he went out and got me a guilt gift the day after (a Yankee candle, which I loved.) We decided to go to a Japanese steakhouse on Sun. and we all enjoyed ourselves. (Kids thought it was cool!)
Anyhow, I did buy Passionate Marriage while we were in a bookstore after lunch. (Happy Mother's Day to me!!) I showed him the Sex section and threw a couple of books at him, asked if he saw any he liked. I walked off with the kids and he was there reading for a bit, but came back empty-handed and said he didn't really see anything. So, I bought PM and started it on the drive home (when he was mute).
He bit my head off a few times over the course of the weekend, particularly at the end, and it appeared later that it was about his money stress? Today, he is acting like nothing is wrong, but not necessarily loving either.
I believe we have a MC session tonight, so I need to call him and confirm that. Thank you VERY MUCH for reading along and giving me your thoughts/comments/suggestions.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Oh, I forgot to mention! When I tried to "rock his world," Thursday night, I gave him some finger action. No response, good or bad, but he seemed to like the overall experience.
I talked to him on the phone just now and confirmed, yes, we have a MC appt tonight. We laughed about a few things related to the kids, etc. Then I very gently said, "I know you're at work, but I just wanted to see if you felt like talking about last night. What was going on with you in the car?" He said, "I just get stuff thrown in my face and I don't like being reminded and I don't want to talk about it," he said in an irritated tone. I said, "how did things get thrown in your face?" I said this very sweetly and calmly, because usually I feel his walls going up about halfway through the trip, when we hit a certain town's exit. (Where a guy that I dated while we were broken up was from.) But he started this time at the beginning of the trip, so I wanted to know exactly what was going on. He said, "Going by so-and-so's house, and the exit for such-and-such. . ." So that confirms that it wasn't anything new or different and I hadn't unknowingly "thrown anything in his face". I said, "You know, I haven't mentioned anything about Pam or emails or anything like that." He immediately got defensive and raised his voice. Told me not to compare them and I continued in a very soft tone. "I am not comparing them other than you have a hurt and I have a hurt and when I get reminded of things that make me upset, I try not to let them create that wall between us and I would hope that you would try to do that as well." He kind of muttered, yeah, okay, I'm at work and have to go. I could tell he was trying to acknowledge my suggestion somewhat, but he was done talking. I told him I loved him (did not apologize) and he said it back.
Oh, and we booked our room for Missy and Joe's wedding in July. We will be staying at the Luxor for 4 nights. ;D I mentioned it on our drive home (when the exit signs etc did not seem to be an issue for some reason??). I said "you should give me some money to go shopping at Victoria's Secret and I'll buy a special something to wear while we're there!" He gave me a lukewarm response and I said, "why doesn't that sound good?" He said, "I'd rather have you go to Christie's Toy Box (adult store). I want you naked the whole time." I said, "ok!" Then asked, "what would you want?" He didn't say. I said, well we should go look sometime. He said ok.
I actually found something that I bought at a store for him shoved in the back of his bathroom drawer today. It was Valentine's Day in 2004 I believe. I bought a can of whipped cream, (called Pussy Whip!), and a little box of "Romantic Nights" or maybe sexy I don't remember. He NEVER used the cream (we threw it away eventually) and when I gave him the little satin black sack of romantic ideas, I told him I wasn't going to look at any of them, but just let him surprise me in his own time. When I asked him about it months later, because I had not noticed anything, he said, "They were all cheesy." Hmph.
I guess I could go to Christie's. I don't know what in the world I would buy!!
Oldtimer, I have a funny bit to tell ya: I just ASSumed by your screenname that you were a male, then read your advice on another thread where you referred to your H. It makes me feel a bit better that you suggested the books you did. (the Woman's Guide to Anal Sex) I came across it in the bookstore and BOY did I keep the cover discreet. A man walked up and stood RIGHT next to me while I was looking. It was pretty funny when Joey came up with the two kids in tow. Suddenly, he moved down the aisle. lol! Joey probably would have had a heart attack if I would have said I was buying that one. :-O
I came across it in the bookstore and BOY did I keep the cover discreet. A man walked up and stood RIGHT next to me while I was looking. It was pretty funny when Joey came up with the two kids in tow. 
Suddenly, he moved down the aisle. lol! Joey probably would have had a heart attack if I would have said I was buying that one. :-O