Maybe what you need to do here is some clearer communication. Rather than blushing and running away, or saying "Ewww, gross, that's disgusting. You are sick. You want me to look like a little girl for you to F," and so on...
Try:
"H, I want to be your kinky girl, but you've picked three things for me that just don't work for me physically.
(1) Anal sex is very painful for me, it just plain hurts. It is about as sexy for me as giving birth. I actually bleed afterwards, which scares me. (If true.)
(2) Swallowing doesn't gross me out because it is your cum, it grosses me out because it stimulates my gag reflex and makes me throw up a little in my mouth. The VOMIT is what is gross. It would ruin the enjoyment I get from going down on you.
(3) Even if you just see it as clean and sexy, shaving completely down there would make me feel like I was trying to look like a little girl. It would make me feel like I was somehow setting myself up to be molested. This is my problem. I don't think you seem like a little boy when you are shaved. It is just my own mental block, but one that would really make me feel victimized if I shaved. (Or whatever is going on there. If it is simply a concern about skin irritation, you could at least try it once and see if it is better or worse than you expected.)
I think your H may have a point, that you know how to be more of a sexual being outside the context of M than inside the context of M. THIS IS NOT AN UNCOMMON PROBLEM FOR WOMEN. And, I can see why that would hurt him.
Also, step up to the plate and discuss this directly with the C. It is obviously a huge priority for you right now. And it will be in your M until the two of you are sexually compatible.
H is not likely to be happy settling for a sex life without more emotional risks. He IS SEEKING intimacy and vulnerability. Methinks YOU not HE are the one avoiding it...
