It was glorious, and I even told her at the time that if it ever "wore off" again to the extent that it had (I'm not talking about a mere "bad day"; we all have those . . I'm talking about the total rejection and lack of affection, if THAT ever returned, that I would NOT beg for her affection, and that the love life would basically be over.
It did, and it is.
JEEEEZ!!! You've got me riled up now. What kind of message is this???? What do you think she got out of that? Do you think she might have heard that Choc will give her the attention and adoration she needs only as long as she keeps of the “glorious” attention on him. As soon as that attention drops off, Choc does not care about her. That is conditional and controlling and there is no way she will see that as indication of your true love to her. You are saying one thing then doing another. Then you complain when she does the same thing back to you.
This is all a power struggle, each trying to get the other person to validate feelings and prove their love without each of you having to become vulnerable first. You test her, she test you. You both fail and go into P/A entitlement thinking. There can not be a positive outcome with this destructive cycle. You’ve seen that play out on the board too many times.
I was honestly trying to soul-search my true feelings last night, to find out what it was that was bothering me so much (because, to be honest, I WASN'T all that "worried" -- she was with a group I know, I knew where they were, it was nearby, she had a COP with her for crissakes, and she wasn't driving).
I think I just felt like a sap. And I CANNOT STAND feeling like a sap.
Yep. You see why I said your emotional reaction did not square with your “concern for her safety?” So how are you going to get past this, not just with her but any other woman for that matter? This is NOT about a woman. This is about you. This is about Choc standing up for himself, deciding what Choc wants, then setting out to achieve that want and protecting it from others once you do get it.
You might start by asking yourself why it is you feel so powerless and why you don’t act to empower yourself? Who made you feel powerless?
