"I guess I don't want to give her that satisfaction."
Great, so instead you give her the power over you to make you feel like a sap. That works. Not.
Being honest and direct is EMPOWERING. If it makes her happy that you were hurt, TOO BAD FOR HER. WTF cares???
I don't think you need your W to F around on you, or even to F you. You seem to be in a mode of trying to control things that you can't control by being so withholding that you are Fing YOURSELF.
Book recommendation to help YOU in your life and job: "Conquer your critical inner voice" by Firestone.
