And I can say been there done that. When I was invited to move back (about one month into our separation - I wasn't DB'g yet, but I was becoming the person I wanted to be), I too backslid - became needy and wussy. W saw this and broke off the moveback.
The good news was I just hunkered down that much more. There was a lot more work to do - but please know that all is not lost when you backslide - its just that you have to work that much harder at staying committed to the changes you are making. One important thing to note - be sure the changes really are for YOU. If they are not, it will be really hard to keep them sticking and you'll be selling out. However, if you liked what you were becoming over those two weeks, that is a huge plus.
Hang in there.
Sven
Sven, I talked to Chuck about this a little as well. I loved the direction I was going. I felt genuine, authentic again. This is the real me. After my last session with Chuck I started thinking about some of the things he mentioned, ie; what really puts a little pep in my step, who am I really?
So being the tad goofy optimist that I am, I called some folks that have known me my entire life specifically pre-W.
They all said the same things. That they could say anything to me regarding their hopes and dreams and I would be their biggest fan and supporter. Most of them said the same things, the best man in my wedding, who I haven't seen in 2 years as he lives in Florida now, (lucky bastid), told me that when he was around me that he really thought that if he said to me, "dude I think I can walk on moonbeams and I'm going to try tonight when its a full moon". He told me that of all the people he knows, I would be the only one to show up and cheer him on in his crazy venture. I thought about it. That really is me. I love seeing people chase their dreams. I think you can do it if you think you can do it. I believe you can so much, that I will do whatever I can do to help you get there from here.
That is the real ME. I was on track and feeling great.
The backsliding that precipitated the latest throwdown? I hate that part of me. If that's my inner child I want to find that little bastard and kick his ass. To paraphrase a Don Henley song. Enough already. It's just not me. How I got there? I don't even care. I just want to be gone from there. The real ME is so much more fun, such a better dad, friend and ultimately husband than the version that surfaced the last few years.
Like you posted Sven, all this recent backslide did was increase my resolve to never let that stuff have free rein in my mind again. To hunker down and work even harder. It literally hurts too much to let that stuff run me.
I shared with Chuck one tidbit that slipped through in the midst of the all night throwdown with W. There was a weird glitch with a txt message I sent to my son that caused her to believe that I'm snooping and spying on her again. Really bad timing for some glitch like that to occur. Nothing I can say to defend myself, I'm not doing anything but how do I prove that to her? I can't, except with time. During this exchange though, she said, "I'm shaking, I can't take another one of these, I can't, I will have a nervous breakdown if I find out that you are doing it again."
Okay, I know it sucks but..., it almost sounds like she is saying that she is trying. Even though she doesn't want to say that because it will give me hope. I probably made a mistake in not jumping on that, howbeit with caution. Basically let her know that I can't take doing that to her again for my sake either. That I'm committed to never going there again. I did tell her to change all her passwords, change them everyday so there is no way I will ever know, just do it so you can rest, you'll know there is no way. She said "it wouldn't matter, how would I know if you were having stuff forwarded, this is what you do, you know how to do all that stuff". I cut it off at that point, saying I have to get these bills done, I'm not doing anything, I did, I'm not denying what I did, but I'm not now. She stood there for moment and then walked off.
Talking to Chuck about it, I probably should have handled it better and if she goes there again I will.
