You have no romantic attachment to your wife. Does she know this?

I know you've had it out with her before and gotten temporary results. You may have to do it again and again and again to keep the connection alive. Who cares if you should have to or not? It's either that, live with a roommate-wife, or divorce.

What can make her "get it" for good? Who knows. People get it when they're good and ready, and not before. I don't know of a good way to speed it up, other than to force them to see the results of not getting it... i.e., bring to their attention that your romantic feelings are GONE and you have no reason other than concern your remaining underage children to stick around.

That will bring them knowledge AND respect for you, which can help alter their perspective.

a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.