Sven, I agree with what you're saying here. OTB's post reflects my internal struggle. I hate lying, but full disclosure wouldn't help either and not just because it puts me in a bad light.
After talking to DB Coach Chuck this morning I think that telling my son this is something W wants would be looked at as manipulative. Also, it would in someways make reconciliation harder because it would just be further proof of her core beliefs regarding me. As you mentioned in a previous post, essentially I have to let go of my part of the rope in this tug of war. As hard as it is, as much as it hurts, telling my son that this is something is mother wants, even if I told him that actions by me caused this reaction in her, still the only person really hurt by this would be him. I can't do that to him. He believes that we are both working as hard as possible. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. I don't know what is going through her head. In fairness, I know I cycle between wanting to just walk away and resolve to build this into what it should be. Why should she be any different. Except, going by her words, the effort to give just isn't there for her.
I just e-mailed this to another member of the board here and I really think this is the honest cause of my current state of sitch. I can't honestly say I have ever truly DB'ed for more than 2 weeks straight.
Sad, painful but true.
This last "I think we should seperate, I have nothing left to give and I feel nothing for you and haven't in a long time" speech came on the heels of me backsliding. In her words, "you couldn't even make it 2 weeks, but you want me to believe you can give me the time and space to come around..., that's if I can even come around".
See, I did great for 2 weeks, (actually 2.5 but who's counting?), then backslid. Which only confirms one of her big core beliefs about me. That I can't change, that I can't give her the time and space she needs to get past this stuff.
So where does that leave me now? Still working at it.
I have to run some errands, will post more later. I have a lot of thoughts rolling through my noggin right now and need to journal some here.
