While I hear what OTB is saying, I'm going to disagree. I DON'T think that explaining away that the D is your W's choice is the right thing for the kids. This has several negative effects in my mind.
First, your teenage son (especially) and your other kids will harbor huge resentment toward your W that may go on for YEARS - and it will be formative for them in their future relationships. Further and secondarily (if not first) will only create HUGE tension between you and your wife that will also go on for years.
Even though it was my W that asked me to move out when we separated, we agreed that we would describe it to the kids as a MUTUAL agreement - that we both needed time to figure some stuff out and MOST importantly they did NOTHING to get us to that point - that we were sorry for things being the way they were, but that we love them as much as before and always will. Kids will have a hard enough time processing their emotions WITHOUT the added distraction of "Who" to blame.
I mean, think of it, are you really be honest to the kids that this is your W's choice, but it was things that YOU did that got her to this point? If you're going to get it out there, you may as well get it ALL out there. BTW, they won't understand that anyway.
I think the most important thing is for you to be honest and commit to being a great man, that can process this and be there with dignity. Set the example for your children. That is what I did. Realise that just the other day, my oldest was telling me how much he liked it that although we were separated, he would wait by the window all Friday afternoon waiting for me to come by the house and pick him and his brothers up for our weekend together. It meant the world to him. See, here I was leading.
Look, I'm not saying your out of the game yet, but I think it is best NOT to force your kids (either intentionally or not) to pick a side.
A great book on communication with kids is "How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen, and How to Listen so Your Kids Will Talk" by Estelle Faber. I highly recommend.
That is my .02.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
