Having a rough go of it tonight and feel the rest of my weekend is going to be the same without my DD. When does the feeling of your heart being torn out stop??
When you decide that you are the most important thing along with your DD. When you decide that you can go on w/out your W and truly detach, then the hurt starts to diminish. I still have bad days, but when I got to this point, I was able to truly detach and grow.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Alright the strangest thing just happened. The fire alarms in my house went off for no reason what so ever. I have walked through the house and nothing. I have no idea why this happened or has it ever happened before. Just so I can sleep the rest of the night I am going to drive past my IL's house to make sure that everything seems alright with the girls. Weird...
My W had the girls this weekend at my IL's house and my SIL/BIL took the girls Saturday night. I did see my girls on Saturday because I had to pickup 5D for t-ball. It was awesome seeing them. My DD's spent the night again last night with my W at my IL's because of miscommunication between my W and I.
As for me I went to a friends house both Friday and Saturday night. It was nice not being home alone. Sunday I went to church and then had lunch with a friend and his family. I then went golfing with two of my good friends. This is were the miscommunication between my W and I comes into play. I was not aware of a time that I needed to be around to take the girls from my W and she assumed that I knew that they would be dropped off in the late afternoon.
After golfing last night I went to my IL's while my W was working to see my DD's. I had an interesting conversation with my MIL, it seems like I am the one with the thick skull. I guess I don't get it. MIL during our conversation got upset when I mentioned that my W was running around with another man or when I mentioned that she was planning a life with him. Both statements are true..... My MIL kept stating that was then this is now and did I have any proof that she was still doing this? How about OM calling her yesterday for 40 minutes is that enough? I did not tell my MIL about that, I just kept that information to myself.
My 5D is clearly upset by the whole seperation between my W and I. When I saw her yesterday she ran up to me crying saying that she wanted to go home and wanted both mommy and daddy there.
Now my W called this morning informing me that after her counseling session today that she is coming home and will sleep downstairs if need be. I cannot keep from the house so I have to ok with it. She also mentioned that my 5D this past weekend kept crying and kept asking for me.
So my W is coming home..... Hopefully we can work this out. I just don't see any hope at this point in time.
My question is this: Is this a good sign? or is this right on par for a sitch like mine?
My W came home late last night, did she really come home for the sake of our kids? I do not think so. I also noticed this morning that my W had a few strange keys on her key chain. Are they for the OM new apartment? I think so. I know that the OM this past week moved into an apartment near my parents house. Do you think it is a coincidence that my W is more then willing to bring my DD's to my parents house on wednesday. I do not. I am thinking of tailing her on wednesday to see for myself if this is her plan. Whenever I confront her again I will be packing up all her things and moving her out of the house. She can go live with whoever she wants to at that point. I cannot let her keep exposing our kids to this behavior. Again, until she can prove to me that this affair is truely over I do not want her in our house.
The crazy thing is I do not think she is planning on leaving anytime to soon. She planted flowers yesterday with our DD's, stocked the cabinets with groceries, and cleaned the house. Not behavior I would attribute to wanting to leave our house.
This rollercoaster ride really is intense and sucks.
If I may put in my two cents.. Make sure your W understands what your boundaries are before you do something drastic. Early on in this whole mess, I found out that my H took our child out w/OW and her daughter. I went nuts.. So, from that point on, I told him that he was to never expose our child to ow. You are right - you need to protect your kids and your W is not thinking straight right now and I'm sure is rationalizing her bad behavior and poor choices to expose her daughters to OM. Define your boundaries and hold her accountable.
Well I think I have ruined any chance at reconciliation with my W. She is back home and we are still not talking. She is done with me she doesn't want any ties to me except raising our DD. I do not believe in divorce so I am probably going to look into legal seperation, if she wants a divorce then she can file for it - I will not. She feels that I hae suppressed her over the years and the afair just brought those feelings to the forfront in her mind. She is discovering who she is and there is no room for me. I am in her mind a good guy, a good provider, but I have no depth to me and I cannot breath life into her. So she is done. She does not say that she cannot love me again, she is saying that she won't.
I have through the years done my best to provide for her, encourage her dreams, and support her the best that I knew how. Through this whole sitch I have learned/realized how much I have sacraficed for her and our girls. I used to find my happiness in their happiness. It made me feel good to know that they are happy and content with the life God has provided us. Now it is gone there seems to be no really hope for our family to say intact.
I am now going to pursue the things that make me happy. I need to find myself which I have ignored. I will now be doing an saying what I feel and what I want, not just keep it in and suppress it. It just really hurts and saddens me that I will not be able to enjoy life with the family that I have been blessed with. I still have my girls. I always will. They will always be a huge part of me and my life. It just stinks that I need to get used to having them in my life part time. I know life is not fair and that I need to pick myself up from the bootstraps and forge ahead. I just wish/hope/pray that I could do it with my family intact. I have to be honset with myself and realize that they probably will not happen without a miracle from above.
ERC, There are so many of us who are waiting on that miracle from above. All we can do is to try to be the best that we can be. We have to accept that we can not change them. We can only pray for guidance, patience, and strength. We are all with you. Just remember you are a good person, you are standing for your marriage. I know how bad it hurts, my H has also told me that he just doesn't love me anymore.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Miracles happen to people everyday, Maybe yours wiil come and i will pray for that.
You going on with your life and finding things to do for you to make you happy are the best goals you can give yourself. Maybe once your W sees ths changes she would want to go with you on that life ride.
Try to keep your chin up and keep Dbing the best you can we will all be here for you. JAK
Last edited by jak58; 05/10/0704:57 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
