Well I think I have ruined any chance at reconciliation with my W. She is back home and we are still not talking. She is done with me she doesn't want any ties to me except raising our DD. I do not believe in divorce so I am probably going to look into legal seperation, if she wants a divorce then she can file for it - I will not. She feels that I hae suppressed her over the years and the afair just brought those feelings to the forfront in her mind. She is discovering who she is and there is no room for me. I am in her mind a good guy, a good provider, but I have no depth to me and I cannot breath life into her. So she is done. She does not say that she cannot love me again, she is saying that she won't.
I have through the years done my best to provide for her, encourage her dreams, and support her the best that I knew how. Through this whole sitch I have learned/realized how much I have sacraficed for her and our girls. I used to find my happiness in their happiness. It made me feel good to know that they are happy and content with the life God has provided us. Now it is gone there seems to be no really hope for our family to say intact.
I am now going to pursue the things that make me happy. I need to find myself which I have ignored. I will now be doing an saying what I feel and what I want, not just keep it in and suppress it. It just really hurts and saddens me that I will not be able to enjoy life with the family that I have been blessed with. I still have my girls. I always will. They will always be a huge part of me and my life. It just stinks that I need to get used to having them in my life part time. I know life is not fair and that I need to pick myself up from the bootstraps and forge ahead. I just wish/hope/pray that I could do it with my family intact. I have to be honset with myself and realize that they probably will not happen without a miracle from above.
