How do I know if it is MLC

[bright 2 morro]

Hi
I just thought I would give you all and update. He actually did come and mow the lawn tonight. I was actually quite surprised. He has been saying he was going to do it for 2 weeks now. I am not sure what to think.

I am also happy that we actually had a day with no fights. We had decent conversations all day. There are several times that he did try to start one by pushing buttons but I did not take the bate. I am so proud of myself.

When he was done mowing the lawn we were walking the yard and he was just talking about the yard and yard work and what he wants to do with the yard. It was almost as if nothing bad was going on. I know better though. I understand that this is part of him hanging onto me and our M (not letting go). Trying to get me to not let go.

I think he sees me calming down and moving on. I have this last minute weekend get away for me this weekend. I have never really done this. I have also gone all day without taking the bate from him. Now that is something to be proud of.

I have spent a lot of time reading about MLC and asking questions. I think I have finally found my calm (for now). But I feel like I have a new strength.

I have been doing a lot of thinking. When I got married I married for better or worse. Well I think that this has got to be the worse. I need to do my best to make that happen. I did not marry just to be divorced. I think if I befriend him and try to be there for him I have a better chance of having a happier marriage when this is done.

I am going to give him his space but also be there for him if he needs me. I am going to try really hard not to fight with him.

I am in this new calm (hopefully to stay). I know that I have things I need to change for me. I need to build up my self confidence and know that I can do this. Everyone lately has been telling me that I was a strong person and CAN do this on my on my own. I did not believe that until today. I think I am starting on my path.

I hope that I can stay friends and be there for my H. I think that this is the only way I have a chance of not fully loosing my marriage.

I hope I did not go on forever. I will keep on updating daily, I am sure I will still have some downs. BUT I WILL NOT SHOW HIM THAT.

mimi

mimi