Right now, my problem seems to be that I put so much effort into working our M out and never felt he really did any "work," just "allowed" us to be ok again (he was the one wanting the D).
When it came to requiring him to do some of the "work", did you feel like your hands were significantly tied because of his impending deployment?
Do you feel like your hands are tied now because he is geographically far away from you? That is, are you afraid to talk to him about all that has happened, what you are feeling, and what you need to know about what he is feeling -- because he isn't directly observable and coming home to your arms every night?
I guess what I'm getting at is, does the deployment significantly complicate/restrict what you feel you can require from him now? If so, does it help to keep that in mind that eventually you'll be free of those complications...(in a year, or sooner if you decide it makes sense to ignore the geographic distance), and will be freer to require more from him?
