Yeah, when I say I'm meeting him in the middle, I mean sexually, not just trying to "see his side." We had sex several days in a row a few days ago, and once we had simultaneous O. He says he appreciates the extra effort I'm putting in. It's definitely making a difference, but I'm still pretty sure he feels all hung up on this one list of activities that to him are the pinnacle.
My girlfriends have for YEARS teased me about how "trimmed" I am, calling me "mohawk". lol After having children and that whole scene, I felt weird being big and pregnant with an overly trimmed downstairs, going to the doc for all the check-ups, etc., (plus it's hard to shave when you're huge and hard to keep up with it when you're a new mom), so I have let it become a bit more natural, but I don't get the whole shaved 100% thing. To me, that means major stubble ALL around AND it looks too prepubescent to me. Just not my thing. BUT, when he said something about it, I trimmed some more. He should have noticed, we had had 1 or 2 sessions, (where he did oral), but in an argument, (I had turned him down on a certain position and he got all pissed off and got dressed and went in the other room), I corrected him when he said he came to me with what would help him and I have DONE NOTHING. I said, "I've NOT DONE NOTHING, I shaved, which you never mentioned noticing, and I initiated sex last night!" I feel like he is only noticing what he does NOT have, instead of what he does.
Here's the deal with the "kinkier" stuff he is requesting. He SAYS it's because he feels it is stuff I did with one-night stand or with guys other than him, years ago. He says he was being vulnerable to me when he told me that these are the types of things that would mean to him that I really am passionate about him and want to be with him. He says it's insulting to think that I would do those things with "some guy" years ago, but not feel comfortable doing them now with my husband. I have told him my "swallowing" story. Shortly before I met him, I was dating a guy and tried it for the first time and nearly threw up and never planned on doing it again. He actually said that he can't understand how I couldn't want to do these things and in the big scheme of things, he really doesn't think it's that much to ask. The whole thing just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. ;P And as far as anal, this is something that we have done just a very few times, briefly, over the course of our relationship. I do not like it, it makes me very flinchy/squirmy/uncomfortable, but it just makes him go nuts, he says because it is different. I NEVER requested this with anyone before him. When I was young and a party girl, for a short time before I met him, I had a one-night stand where I was VERY drunk, and it took place, but I didn't initiate it, if you get my drift. It's not like I'm psychologically damaged or feel like I was raped, but I just want him to know it's not like I was with guys before him, saying, "Ooh, let's do THAT!" Because I wasn't. But apparently, at some point in the past he must have asked me if I ever did it, and I probably answered, once, or something like that. So now he chalks it up to "something I would do with other guys when I was young, but won't do with him." I simply tried to explain to him, that it wasn't like that, "I was out of it and it was a one-night stand." To which he replied, smugly, "You had a LOT of those, didn't you?" And by the way, this was BEFORE I MET HIM. We did have a break and I was with other guys, but that wasn't this particular scenario.
And, so I'm standing there, thinking, what does this have to do with you emailing Pam, and why is it ALWAYS about what I did to YOU??!??!?!? :[
After each of our children, we resumed sex before the big 6-week mark rolled around, and this last year, he paid a lot of attention to my "back door." I did kind of ask him what was with the new fascination, since it was becoming a regular part of things and he just said it got him really excited. So he will say things to me, like, "I wanna lick your ass." Well, ok, and I might even like some hot attention like that, but somehow saying it when I'm still just getting warmed up doesn't work for me. A lot of times, he'll say, "I wanna do naughty things to you" or "I wanna get naughty." and he will do this while I'm cooking dinner! That just freaks me out a little. I would much rather he pinch my butt, unload the dishwasher, kiss my neck, ask about my day, tell me what a wonderful mother I am, etc. THIS would be foreplay to me. I have tried to tell him this as nicely as I can, but he always get this "deflated" body language and he just says "sorry." The undertone is "I can't win." I don't want him to feel that way, but I am trying to express how *I* like to be treated.
So, anyhow, I've told him that I get the message that he wants the sex life amped up and I'll do that, but in my own way. I haven't come out and said it this way to him, I've just tried to initiate more, etc.
Ok, that's enough for now, hope this helps. Thank you SO much for the advice. Things are going much better right NOW, but that could change like the wind.
I did kind of ask him what was with the new fascination, since it was becoming a regular part of things and he just said it got him really excited. So he will say things to me, like, "I wanna lick your ass." Well, ok, and I might even like some hot attention like that, but somehow saying it when I'm still just getting warmed up doesn't work for me. A lot of times, he'll say, "I wanna do naughty things to you" or "I wanna get naughty." and he will do this while I'm cooking dinner! That just freaks me out a little. I would much rather he pinch my butt, unload the dishwasher, kiss my neck, ask about my day, tell me what a wonderful mother I am, etc. THIS would be foreplay to me. I have tried to tell him this as nicely as I can, but he always get this "deflated" body language and he just says "sorry." The undertone is "I can't win." I don't want him to feel that way, but I am trying to express how *I* like to be treated.
